I should start again

I just can't get it through my thick head, can't I? I SHOULD NOT BE SPENDING MONEY!!! Ugh, I'm so horrible.

I went downtown to buy one simple thing: a backpack. My high school one just died, and I'm using one that's not very good for my back. It's one of those low-end Jansport types that you get as a freebie when you go to those conventions where they give out free stuff. Luckily, I live on campus so I don't really need a school backpack since I can carry things in my hand or in a regular tote. Well, things will be different next year and this summer. The walk to school is going to be longer, and I don't want to carry things over one shoulder. I wanted to invest in a really good backpack--one that will carry my water on the outside, has a lot of compartments and will be good for my back. I chose the North Face Isabella pack, made especially for women. It cost me $70.

I figure it's worth it. I mean, I went online and did some research and found that a lot of women liked this backpack. I'll be using it for my whole time here. So, it's a good investment.

So where's the problem? I went DOWNTOWN. Union Square, San Francisco's shopping mecca where credit cards go to die. I went with L. and our good friend Em. I bought my backpack, which is awesome by the way. Then we went to H&M. I bought a white tank. We went to Urban Outfitters. I bought rain boots. Why did I do that? This is a serious sickness. I bought them because they were cute, and they were just the kind I wanted when I was looking for rain boots, and I had settled for another kind instead. Yes, that's right, I have two pairs of rainboots now. I'm so bad. We walked into Claire's. I bought hair bands.

I guess I didn't learn anything from Lent. I mean, maybe I did learn something, but I just threw it out with all the other lessons I learned. Anyway, I'm going to do the Lenten sacrifice thing again. No clothing, accessories, shoes, or anything that is materialistic and don't really need. It starts today. Another 40 days thing. So, no buying until June 8 if did my math correctly. Let's see if I can learn something this time.

back to old ways...

Just came back from filmmaking class. Water came back on right after I posted the "I smell" post, and I was able to take a shower, thank God.

Slate was in my class today. I don't know why he's in that class, he's so intellectual when it comes to filmmaking. He should be teaching that class. Anyway, I was sitting in my usual spot, and he was standing at the end of the row in front of me. He was looking for people he knew that he could sit with, I guess. I noticed him, and I kept looking at him, hoping he would see me and say, "Hey, I know you from Collective" or even just a simple nod of recognition would do. He totally ignored me. Either that, or he has the worst field of vision ever, which should be totally untrue because his passion is film, and film has everything to do with being able to see.

I know what you're thinking...Why didn't you say something, Elaine? God, I tried. I really did. I couldn't find my voice at all, I swear to you. Plus, I'm pretty sure D. (the girl I sit with) was talking to me, only I wasn't listening at all, I was totally looking at Slate hoping he would see me. I didn't want to appear as if I wasn't listening, even though we both know that it's obvious that I wasn't listening. Anyway, I felt like Ariel in "The Little Mermaid" right after she realized that she lost her voice, and she was trying to talk to Eric.

The moment passed. He sat in the row behind me, and I said nothing to him. I'm really mad at myself right now. It's so pathetic. How am I ever going to meet guys if I can't even talk to them? And here's the best part, the part that I was debating whether or not to tell you because it's so pathetic that I want to cry...

At the beginning of our 10 minute break, I got up to go throw away my gum, and everyone at the left side of the row was leaving too. Slate got up and he sat on the left side of his row--the row behind me. I'm slowly moving towards him. All I could think was, "Are you going to talk to him? Are you going to say hello? Or are you going to chicken out again?"

Chicken. I passed him, totally ignored him, and went to go throw away my gum outside the classroom. Damn. I waited outside the classroom, hoping he would walk out or something. An endless parade of students would walk out of door, none of them him. I walked back inside. Slate was talking to A., the cute Mark Ruffalo TA. Then he left. The prufrock within me still lives.

I smell...

I really have to take a shower, and we have no running water right now. Just great. I feel so disgusting. Class starts at 4, and the cute TAs are going to be there, and I'm going to stink. Yech.

In other news, I have a place to stay for the summer! How awesome is that? Totally awesome. Yesterday, I went to meet the girl and see the room. She lives in a three bedroom townhouse right nearby campus. She opened the door, and we were both all, "HEY!" We knew each other from last year. She lived on our floor. She's really nice.

She showed me the place--HUGE! Probably because of the lack of furniture. I like minimalism. Anyway, there's a balcony where one can barbeque, and I can also put my bike there when it's not raining. The room I'll be staying in is also large. She's got a full bed and two desks in there. One for writing, the other for the computer. Excellent. She said she might leave me the furniture, because she doesn't know where she'll be living in the summer--she just knows that she doesn't want to stay there. I'll be living with three other girls who I haven't met yet, but will be meeting soon. The only thing is that I won't have a meal plan anymore. Actually, this is my last semestre with a meal plan, which kind of makes me sad! Now, I've got to make my own meals.

Anyway, I'm growing right up! Found a place to stay for the summer, with the possibility of not having to buy furniture until August when I have to find a place for the next school year. I can't wait to get furniture and have my own real place. Will look for a job soon. Either at school or somewhere else--bottom line: I need money. We'll see how it goes.

Yuck, I'm still smelly.

success and an after-party

They showed our film, "New Noise", at the Collective along with some other films. It was a wonderful night. Our film was the first one shown after the intermission. Our actors came to watch, and they really enjoyed it. A lot of laughs from the crowd. I invited my brother's friends to come watch it too. They're really supportive of me, and I was kind of embarrassed when they started cheering when my film started. Haha. That's okay, though.

Before the screening started, P. (the guy that barged into our bedroom when we were editing) gave a little announcement. He wanted all the filmmakers to come and get name tags. I thought that was weird, since they didn't do that for the filmmakers in the last Collective film festival. So, L. and I got name tags. He then announced to everyone that he wanted all the filmmakers to stand up and be recognized after all the films are shown. Totally weird!!! They never did that. It was such a nice surprise. After the screening, we all stood up and were applauded.

S. was there, the guy who thought me how to use the clapper (or slate) board. I'll just call him Slate. Outside the theatre, I was saying goodbye to all my brother's friends and the actors and their friends who came. They were congratulating us, which was really cool. Afterwards, Scarf came up to L. and I and started talking to us about our film and saying good job. It was so nice of him to do that, even though I still think that the film wasn't well-lit, but what are you going to do when you have no budget at all? Slate was a couple feet behind Scarf and he looked like he wanted to join in our conversation. We made eye contact, and I smiled at him. He finally joined us and told us that he liked our film. Woo-hoo! Another guy from the Collective, B., came up to me and said that the film really inspired him to go out there and just make a film instead of waiting around until his junior year. I was glad.

Scarf asked us if we were doing anything tonight. We said no, and he said that everyone was going to go party at B.'s house--he lives in the neighborhood that's right by campus. That's right: L. and I went to a party.

It was really, really fun actually. Most of the people that are in the Collective were there. It was a bit awkward for me because I'm really quiet and shy. There was beer and Smirnoff ice, and B. was really nice, offering drinks and all. I said no thanks, I don't drink. Moral integrity, people! Another guy, L., set up this video game. It's like Dance Dance Revolution, except you play a guitar. It was so much fun!!! I played like three songs. The girls kicked ass!!! There were 5 girls, including L. and me. V.--this girl who is kind of annoying, L.--who is really nice and knows a lot about film, and some other girl whose name I didn't catch.

When I first played, I did "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand. Everyone would watch while someone did their song. I was so nervous because Slate was sitting three feet away from me, watching me. AAAHHH!!! But I totally concentrated on the song and did really well. They were all impressed. Haha. B. ordered pizza for everyone. Scarf went and bought beer and soda.

There was this one weird thing that happened. I was sitting on the couch alone watching L. do a song. To my right is the entry to their kitchen. You can see the sink and the countertop and all. I saw someone in there, and I turned to look, naturally. Slate was in there, and he was changing his shirt. He took off his button down and was changing into a t-shirt. I don't think he saw me looking at him. I mean, I only looked for a second or two, I mean, who couldn't look? So that was weird and awkward to say the least. He could have done it in their bathroom or in one of the bedrooms, but why did he have to do that there? Haha...Guys are so weird.

We stayed till two in the morning. Unbelievable. My first college "party". It was small and intimate, which was pretty nice. They're really funny and good people to hang out with, and I'm really glad I met them. I need friends. Not because of my career path, but it's healthy to make new relationships with people instead of wallowing in Prufrockness. Good times.

Scarf left before we did. He shook my hand and said goodbye. It was nice, and it kind of made me sad since he's leaving this year. I feel like he's my mentor in a way.

Action!

I have officially directed my first film. Music video, rather. It was quite the experience. I've never been the type to take charge or lead a group--I'm usually the follower, but this was probably the first time that I've had to take charge before and be (or appear to be) ahead of the game. My head was constantly swimming with shots that needed to be done, locations where we had to shoot, ideas for editing. I was breathing this film project, and I let it consume me, stress me out, and take over my life.

It was wonderful.

Of course, it was very stressful since I had a bunch of school work to do. But I somehow managed it. I got it done, and it turned out better than I had hoped. In the beginning I felt that what I would turn in would be second-rate, something like a rough cut, but no, I was glad with the results, and L. was a huge help to me. She was my second set of eyes, telling me that this take worked better than that one or that my editing was confusing. I could not have done it without her.

My actors or "talent" as they say were very, very good. They were just random people I knew myself or through friends. They were very professional and gave me ideas. I think they cut me some slack as a director since I sometimes didn't know what I was doing or I didn't give them enough direction. I asked one of them how I was doing as a director and she said that I was doing good. L. said that I was a good combination of being the person in charge and being an overall nice person.

I think I was okay. I just need to be more organized when it comes to planning shots. Sometimes, I'd forget to do certain shots all together. We fixed things in editing and we had enough coverage (enough shots for editing).

It was amazing to finally do something with what I have. I mean, I finally got the experience to make something. The old me would have just given up the idea, think of it as a pipe dream. I got chills whenever I said, "Action!". And it felt right too. I know I can do this. I don't care what anybody says. This is what I have to do with my life. With any other option, I would not be living to my full potential.

Today, Scarf came over to our apartment. Coincidentally, K., my roommate, knows him from a class they have together. I opened the door to my apartment, and there he was sitting at our table. We made eye contact. Too shocked and shy to say anything, I turned and went straight to my room. I didn't even say hi! I'm such a goof. He and another girl came over to study with K.

I went to leave for class, and they were still in the living room. I said, "Bye, K. And K.'s friends. And...Scarf." I didn't say Scarf, of course, but you get it. He said bye.

Later, K. came up to me and said that Scarf said, "I think I know your roommate." K. knows that I think he's cute. K. said to him, "Yeah, she's in the Collective. She turned in a film for the festival." She told him what the film is about. He's all, "Yeah...I think it got in." YAYAYAYA!!!!

I invited a bunch of people I know to the festival. I'm usually pretty humble, but I really want people to see it. My roommates are coming, my brother's friend and her boyfriend, the actors that were in it, and their friends. I really hope they do show it.

so many things happening at once...

So, the film is finished. I turned it in yesterday to P.--this guy in the Cinema Collective. He's pretty cool. I actually first met him through my roommate. He's a nice guy. He came over to see my roommate, K., last week, and saw L. and I sitting at my desk, laughing. We were editing the music video and laughing at the footage we shot. Lots of bloopers that day. L. said that we were making a film, and then he barged into our bedroom wanting to see what we had! It was quite surprising. I minimized the editing window and told him that he can't see our work in progress.

At Collective, P. (another guy whose name starts with P.! You may remember him as the guy who lent me his scarf and gloves during the night shoot) asked if we did anything interesting over the weekend. I didn't want to say anything about making my film. But, S., the girl who runs a film group for all the students who live on campus, said that I made a film. She plays one of the main girls in the film. I froze. All these people looked at me--mostly guys. Scarf (I'll call him "Scarf" from now on) looked at me and said, "Really? I'm looking forward to seeing it." I blushed. From that moment, the guys in the group were looking at me differently. It was so weird. Is it because I'm a girl? Just wait till they see the movie.

It's a total action packed music video to the song 'new noise' by refused. It's very hard and there's lots of screaming, but it's a really cool, energetic song. The music video involves a chase, a ninja, and other things. I don't want to spoil it because I want to show it to you later. So yeah...The funny thing is that there weren't a lot of films like mine that were shown at the last Collective @ Coppola. Mine relies on a lot of editing and quick cuts. Not so much on shot composition or storyline. I hope mine gets in!

I'm looking for a place to stay over the summer. I'm staying here to take summer classes. I want to finish college as soon as possible. And because I added a French major, that adds more time here. So, ugh. I'm doing a real adult thing--searching for a place to stay. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again. Things were so easy. So many things are going on!!!

Will post about my video and my experience as a director soon!

so busy!

Hello friends! Sorry for the lack of posts. I have been really, really busy, but I wanted to quickly fill you in on what's making me so busy.

I'M MAKING A FILM!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Okay. We started filming yesterday afternoon. We film today and tomorrow, and then I start editing tomorrow night. YIKES! I co-wrote it with L. I'm also the director--YAY! And editor, since I'm the only one with an editing system, but L. is watching me edit so she can learn how to do it too for later projects. The film is due on MONDAY! Yes, this Monday, so, yeah. I've been pretty busy, but I really wanted to write about this here.

I'll let you know later what this experience has been like--it'll be a really interesting post.

The People In My Life

I thought it would be best to make a list of all the people in my life. I've been writing for a while, longer than I thought I would keep this blog, and I mention a lot of people with their real names or by abbreviating their names (example: Jack would be J.) or giving them nicknames. This will be constantly updated, so keep checking it. They'll be divided into Family, Friends, Strangers, and so forth. The "strangers" section will be updated frequently. They include people I see for the semestre and then never see again. Here's the whole key to the list:

Abbreviated name or nickname that I use in my posts. (Female/Male. Age.): Their description would go here as well as what posts they were prominent in, where and how I met them, special moments with them that affected me and so forth.

Family

Dad (Male. 59.): A stocky man who wears baseball hats, cargo pants, and glasses. I love him. A champion whistler. Retired. A funny man.

Mom (Female. 60.): A petite woman. Micro-biologist. Has a lovely smile and can steam vegetables so perfect it would make you cry. Her laughter is contagious.

Kuya Noel or Kuya (Male. 27.): Older brother. Quotes movies with me. The Holden Caulfield to my Phoebe. Nuclear pharmacist. Also, See Kat in FRIENDS.

Grandma (Female. 80s.): Mom's mom. Lives in So Cal. A funny lady who says whatever she wants. Plays mah-jong.

Grandma L. (Female. 80s.): Dad's aunt that lives in SF. Often invites me over for scrumptions dinners. Related posts: nothing like it.

Friends

L. (Female. 20.): Roommate and best friend from high school. The Owen Wilson to my Wes Anderson. Funny, spontaneous. Once ate a bag of chocolate for money. Related posts:

K. (Female. 20.): Flatmate for sophomore year. Vegan. Causes problems sometimes, but an overall good person. Knows Scarf. Related posts: yikes, Action!.

N. (Female. 20.): Friend from high school. Good friend of L. Goes to UC Davis. Visits often. Related posts: am I boring you?, Chinatown and Little Italy.

D. (Female. 20): Sits with me in my Cinema classes. Related posts:

C. (Male. 20.): First guy friend I met in college. Met at a French club meeting. Also a cinema major. Related posts: A quick post, am I boring you?.

El. and Em. (Female. 21.): Twins. Awesome pool players. Very funny and cool to hang out with. Related posts: Too much stuff.

Catherine (Female. 20.): Friend I met while studying at Cambridge University. Sometimes comments on this blog. Lovely and photogenic.

Chauncey/Jazmine (Female. 19.): Friend from high school. Comments on this blog. Gorge and gives great advice. Related posts: reminders, success.

Blue/M. (Female. 19.): Friend from high school. Aspiring writer. Related posts: success.

Cher (Female. 19.): Best friend since first grade. Nursing major. Related posts: reminders, dork out, I admit it..

Char (Female. 16?.): Little sister of Cher. Related posts: see Cher.

CINEMA FRIENDS

Scarf/P. (Male. 21.): Smart when it comes to all things Cinema. Taught me a lot in the Collective. Lovely. Dorky. Fun. Made me wear his scarf when I wouldn't admit that I was cold. Related posts: the opportunities continue, wigging out, , so many things happening at once, Action!, success and an after-party, I spoke to him!, last collective, party tomorrow, good times had by all, thanks for waiting so patiently, three hours for sleep.

Slate (Male. 19?): Taught me how to use the slate. Cute and smart, but I don't think he likes me a lot. Had a crush on him a while back, and now it's revived. Works with M.E.. Related posts: the opportunities continue, wigging out, back to old ways, success and an after-party, I spoke to him!, embarassing, last collective, party tomorrow, good times had by all, just a dream, three hours for sleep, I overanalyze too much, I admit it, more time.

P. (Male. 19): Met through flatmate, K. Cinema major. Nice guy. Related posts: so many things happening at once, miss popular, crazier than I thought, I admit it, more time.

B. (Male. 19.): Met through Collective. Funny guy. Played a role in his film. Related posts: success and an after-party, no school today, good times had by all, three hours for sleep.

Scooter (formerly named L.) (Male. 19.): Met through Collective. Nice and quiet. B's camera man. Won a scooter. Cute. Related posts: success and an after-party, no school today, good times had by all, three hours for sleep.

V. (Female. 18.): Annoying girl. Met through Collective. Loves to be the center of attention. Related posts: success and an after-party, no school today, last collective.

LV./L. (Female. 18.): Previously written as L., but we have too many L.'s so I'll just name her LV. Knows a lot about film, has more experience than me. Very nice and will show you how to do things on a shoot. Related posts: success and an after-party, good times had by all.

C. (Male. 20s.): Met through Collective. Very funny and talkative. Was his 2nd AC for our last shoot. Related posts: no school today, party tomorrow, good times had by all, miss popular.

S.M (Male. 20s): President of Collective. Funny, nice. Gave me a sip of his horrible beer. Graduating with Scarf. Related posts: good times had by all, miss popular, thanks for waiting so patiently, three hours for sleep.

R.H. (Male. 20s): Drove L. and I to my first shoot (and L.'s second shoot). Cool guy. Is in my cinema classes. Member of CC. Related posts: thanks for waiting so patiently.

M.E.: Friend and co-worker of Slate. Nice, quiet. Related posts: I admit it, more time.

Friends of Friends
Here are people I know through other people.

Kat (Female. 25?.): Kuya's girlfriend. Pharmacist. Loves Harry Potter and movies. Little brother named Vincent.

R. (Female. 20s.): Kuya's best friend who lives up here. Lawyer. Girlfriend to V. (see below). Related posts: weekend with family spoiled by family, lamest party ever.

V. (Male. 20s.): V.'s boyfriend. Public defender with a weird sense of humor. Dared L. to eat a bag of chocolate for money. Related posts: weekend with family spoiled by family, lamest party ever.

Strangers

A. (Male. ?.): Cinema TA. Looks like Mark Ruffalo. Cute. Dorky. Lovely. Related posts: cinema TAs are hot, another post about dorks.

S. (Male. ?.): Cinema TA. Unshaven. Scruffy. Funny. Also lovely. Gave me great advice. Related posts: cinema TAs are hot, embarrassing.


The boy with glasses (Male. ?.): The boy of my freshman college year dreams. Sandy hair, rectangular glasses, and red Chucks. Never saw him again. Related posts:
I wasn't dreaming!, Why God why?, A Giddy Schoolgirl, Another beautiful day, I did it...only, Thanks God, Alas, it is not meant to be, I saw him yesterday.



Why is my blog called "Till Human Voices Wake Us"?
Find out here.

my noze id stuffy

I'm sick. I just had too much fun over spring break. Oh well. I'll get better. Cute guy at the JetBlue counter who was handling my luggage made me smile today, so that was awesome. He was ripping my boarding pass which was printed on the same page as the check-in pass, and he was doing it really slowly. He ripped it halfway, looked at me--I returned the look--and then went back to ripping it. It was so weird, yet funny.

Watched the season 1 dvd of "The Office" with my brother a couple days back. We love Dwight and think he's hilarious. All the actors are amazing, in fact. I like the temp and the relationship between Jim and Pam. Speaking of "The Office"... Check out my new crush! It's Jim from "The Office"!

He's funny and sweet and cute. And he delivers his lines flawlessly and makes the best reaction faces. I love it when the camera pans to his reactions. Lovely. He seems really down-to-earth. In the DVD commentary, he's pretty cool and funny. I like how his character really likes Pam, who is "funny and warm" as Jim put it. She's not "hot" in the sense that most guys are attracted to hot girls, but he likes her for who she is--which should always be the case. He should have kissed her on the Booze Cruise episode or at least told her how he feels about her, but he could be a bit Prufrock-y. Plus, she's engaged and the wedding date is now set (she's been engaged for three years).

So yay for sweet, funny guys who make me forget that I have a sore throat and a stuffy nose!

blogging? during spring break? say it ain't so

I just had to blog. I know it's spring break, but I couldn't help it.

It's raining. Which is nice when you have really super cool rain boots to wear, which I do. Dad took me to Target so I can get some Woolite, the soap to hand wash clothes. There's something about hand washing clothes that is so relaxing.

Made some purchases I shouldn't have and broke one of my lenten sacrifices. So much for moral strength. I bought a bra because one of my straps broke on the other one. I'll list the other stuff below. I love retail therapy, but I'm getting better at making purchases, or not making them, rather. Believe it or not, I think I learned something about lenten sacrifice number 2. I don't need to buy things to make me happy, which I usually do by rationalizing that I "earned" this thing because of _____. Like, I got an A on a paper or whatever else I can say to fill in the blank. I should buy things that I need, me especially since I have no income really and am a starving student. But the things I bought will be used well, and I don't think I am ever going to shop at the mall for a while. I love the outlets--so many sales! That's were we went shopping. Two items in the list I did get at the mall, though.

For the rest of the day I'm going to work on some schoolwork and outside work (storyboard for film). Ugh. It needs to be done. I'm likening this spring break to those breaks that writers take when they go to the woods so that they can write. With occassional breaks to watch a movie or go shopping.

what I bought and why:
1. bra: one of my other ones broke
2. potholder: one of my roommates burnt mine (ARGH!)
3. tea: I'm running out
4. Puma navy sweatpants: workout clothes are different--they're for a good cause
5. Old Navy yoga pants: ditto
6. Vans gray twill pants: on sale, super cute, and in my new size (see other blog)
7. cute shirt: it was cute!
8. Paul Frank night light: it was on sale ($3)
9. 2 James Dean postcards: James Dean is a good enough reason and it'll be art for next year's apartment
10: 4 plates: on sale and for the apartment

what makes me do the things I do?

I am awake. I've been awake since 5:48 in the morning, for some reason. I woke up at 5 yesterday morning too. I don't know why. Is it because I'm at home?

Cute boy sat next to me on the flight home. When we were going through turbulence, the plane dropped a good twenty feet, maybe. I grabbed at the seat in front of me. He looked at me and kind of smiled, and I laughed nervously. I wanted to speak to him, but he had his ipod on. Ugh. I hate that. So I did some French homework. I dropped my pencil and tried to pick it up, but couldn't find it. He said he thinks it landed by his foot, so he bent down and picked it up for me. I said thanks. That was it. Oh well. I like Jet Blue.

Wanted to take the time to write that I won't be writing that much this week. Haha. It's my spring break for crying out loud! Same weather as SF. Not cool.