maybe next year

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Mine was good. I feel bad though, because I wasn't really into the Christmas spirit and all. I was at our family's Christmas party, and there were a ton of people there, but I just felt empty and alone--devoid of any Christmas spirit. I think it might be because I'm not really close with my cousins. They're all so close with each other, but I'm not really close with them. I'm sort of the odd one out of all of the girl cousins because I'm the youngest, and I'm not skinny, and perfect, and beautiful like they are. They're all so perfect. And they all have boyfriends or fiancees. I don't even have one kiss. Anyway, I put on a happy, smiling face for them.

There was a gift exchange thing among all the cousins and their girlfriends/boyfriends/fiancees were included as well. I got my cousin's girlfriend. She had to leave, so I gave her my gift before we all opened our presents. It was a purse. A real nice one too, I really wanted to see her expression when she opened it, but she just left without opening it. In my heart, I wasn't really in the mood for opening presents, so I just wore this really convincing smile when I opened the present I received through the gift exchange. They were these really cute Paul Frank slippers. I absolutely loved them, but I wasn't into the spirit this year. I was just going through all the motions. Maybe next year I'll feel better. There must be something seriously wrong with me if I'm feeling this way on Christmas day. God, please help me.

You know how I wrote that I won't be blogging as much? Well, as you can see, I'm pretty much blogging at the same amount I'd blog when I'm at school. So...I've got time...enough of it to blog now and then... Hope all of you are having awesome Christmas breaks.

Christmas shopping

I've got some Christmas shopping to do, but I don't have a car. And it's tough to get around southern California without a car. Yesterday, my aunt took me to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. It took us 45 minutes to get there, when it really should have only taken 15. There are so many people out driving around and getting last minute Christmas shopping done, like I should be doing.

My brother came back from Las Vegas and gave me my Christmas present early. It's not like I demanded it or anything, he made me open it! He bought me two Lacoste shirt dresses. They're beautiful. I told him to stop spoiling me because he had already given me a Yann Tiersen Live cd. I only got him the Napoleon Dynamite DVD. He's an awesome brother.

I have to admit, I've jumped onto the "Lost" bandwagon. It's a pretty amazing show. Better than most of the other shows on television. And it helps that Matthew Fox is quite handsome. Quite, quite handsome. He's got the type of face that, if he looked at me, in person, I'd melt or turn into water or both. Does anybody do that to you? Sorry, I digress.

in the ipod:
"run" by snow patrol- You have to hear this song. It's the most beautiful song I've heard in a long time. It would be a really good song for a nice, slow dance with someone you love in a darkened room with the only light coming from a disco ball overhead, nice and sparkly. Or a slow dance in the middle of a snow covered field with the snow softly falling around you and the person you love...I think I've listenened to this song way too many times.

Happy Christmas to all

I won't be blogging as much in the upcoming weeks. There's a ton of stuff I have to do. Plus, I'm sure most of you are probably on vacation as we speak...

I just want to let all you know how much it means to me that you take time out of your busy lives to read what I have to write. And the fact that you write me back is amazing. Your comments and advice and love is so precious to me, I'll never forget it. You all have made baring my feelings and experiences in this world a worthwhile endeavor, one that I'll never stop from doing.

I want to wish all of you a safe and joyful Christmas and New Year. I wish that 2005 will be an awesome year for all of you. I hope all of you see the beauty in all things, especially in a new year. Take care.

So long!

I'm staying at the Hampton Inn in Daly City right now. Nice place. I highly recommend Hampton Inn. They've got free internet access! But I guess a lot of hotels have that now.

Gosh, it's so nice to be in the company of my parents. I'm sort of sick of my generation right now. I can't stand the cussing and the profanities, and the guys spitting everywhere. It's so gross how some guys will just spit on the ground right in front of you. It's disgusting.

Can't wait for the drive home. We leave tomorrow. It'll be a nice drive. And it's sunny and 70 degrees in southern California. Nice! I need some sunshine right now.

This is totally random but, my favorite commercial of all time is the Volkswagen Jetta commercial titled "The Big Day". You've probably seen it before. This guy's in a tux and is driving his Jetta, and you can tell he's in a hurry. Then cut to a girl getting ready for her wedding. And automatically you think, "Oh no, that guy's going to be late for his wedding." Cut back to him, and he's passing other cars, and then he's waiting for a train to pass, and you see him screaming in his car. Then he arrives at the church and runs in at the moment the reverend says, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." And the guy's standing there breathless in the aisle, and the girl looks at him, amazed, and the fiancee looks really mad. It ends there. It's an awesome commercial, and I love the music to it ("One Million Miles Away" by J. Ralph). You can check it out here online: http://www.hvwc.net/movies/big_day.html . You'll need Quicktime to view it.

on the ipod: "the shining" by badly drawn boy, "nothing is good enough" by aimee mann, and "song of life" by leftfield.

felt a little Amelie-ish today

I had a final this morning, and it went okay. I should have studied more, but it's cool.

Afterwards, I donned my new coat, and I felt a little Amelie-ish today, so I also wore a skirt and my Doc Martens, and I headed out to West Portal to get my hair trimmed and get a present for this girl I know.

I was so unbearably happy. I was walking around West Portal, and everything just felt right. It felt good to be alive in that moment. It still feels good to be alive right at this moment as I type. I gave like 80 cents to this Salvation Army guy, and I smiled at everyone who passed me by. It was nice.

I had a revelation the other night. It's about the boy with glasses. I was thinking that, if he felt anything for me, then he'd have to make a choice: do something or do nothing at all. And if he chose the latter, it'll be done with, and I'm going to move on. It may seem like I'm giving up, and in a way, I am, but I can't be the one who makes the first move. I just can't be. And I'm not going to be stuck on this guy forever. So, the next time we see each other, and I smile, and if he ignores me and does nothing in return, then I'm going to accept the fact that he feels nothing for me. I mean, Nino went to Amelie, right? He was at her doorstep. But, that's a movie, and this is real life...so...

I really am stubborn, aren't I?

no longer coatless

I'm done with two finals. Hooray!! I already found out that I got a B+ in one class, so that's good. I registered for classes for spring semestre as well. I'm taking French 101! C'est magnifique.

Afterwards, my roommate and I went to the mall to buy presents for our friends from the pool hall. They're good people, and they're twins. We did the Kris Kringle thing, and our limit was $5. You have no idea how hard it is to buy a present for $5 or less. It was cool though--they got the idea from their church group, and people end up getting interesting things. I got my friend a Hello Kitty eraser pen and a little sparkly stuffed starfish. It's so cute. L. got one of those paddle ball things. You know, that paddle that has a string tied to it and a ball on the end. The ball lights up, it's actually pretty cool.

We went to Macy's, and I finally found a winter coat! It's so cute. It's wool and has a hood and it's black. It was the only one there, it was in my size, and it was on sale. It really was fate. The lady at the cash register wanted me to sign up to get a Macy's card, and at first I wasn't sure. Then, she told me how much I'd save, and so I went for it. While I was standing there, this little girl to my left caught my eye. She was maybe 6 or 7, and she was wearing my grade school uniform. It was so bizarre. It was perfect. She got it down right to the blue cardigan. She was following her Mom around, and she disappeared from my sight. It made me feel so old, yet so happy.

We ate dinner at the food court. I had this strange feeling of deja vu because I saw this guy eating dinner that I was so sure I've seen before. He looked at me, and I looked away. We sat down to eat, and then I realized where I've seen him from.

Over the summer, I got the chance to go study at Cambridge University in England. It was this study program for American kids, mostly ages 13 to 18. Right, Catherine? That's how Catherine and I met. : ) We got to take classes at Cambridge and go see the sights around England and all that. Loads of fun. Anyway, this guy I saw at the food court was in the program. I remember seeing him whenever we're at the museums and all.

So, while we were eating, he walked by and kept on looking at me. And he had this bizarre face that seemed to say, "Do I know you? How do I know you?" He kept on turning around and looking at me. I kind of thought it was funny, so I just kept smiling at him whenever he looked at me. I thought it was so hilarious. He was with some girl too, and the girl kept turning and looking for what he was looking at. Anyway, if he hasn't figured out by now where he's seen me, it'll probably drive him crazy. Haha.

Two more finals to go!

Ugh. Finals.

I've got four finals this week: two tomorrow, one on Thursday, and one on Friday. Yikes. And what am I doing? I'm blogging the day before my first two finals. It's okay though, I'm pretty familiar with material. It's funny, I walk into the classroom pretty confident and walk out feeling horrible.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to punch someone? I forgot to write about this in my "lamest party" entry. That night, I really wanted to punch my brother's friend's boyfriend really badly. Seriously, I had to restrain myself from punching him and making a scene in front of everyone. Now that I think about it, it would have felt so good to punch him. The guy's a total "ass clown." I got that from "Office Space." Haha. "Ass clown" is just a funny way to describe someone. Sorry, I digress. So anyway, I just don't like that guy anymore. He can be really funny and cool to hang out with, but now he's not so cool for being a part of that dare. And you know what? He wasn't even drinking. Isn't that unbelievable? He was drinking water. Okay, I need to move on now...It's past...

My Christmas wish list:
1. new glasses and contacts
2. a camping weekend with my fam
3. that the boy with glasses would only speak to me...that's all I want (haha)

Happy Christmas!

lamest party ever

So, my brother's friends invited us (L. and I) to their Christmas party--they're older, like 25 or 26. Anyway, Kuya said they'll look out for me and all that crap, blah, blah, blah. I'm thinking, okay, they're cool. They're fun to be with. So, it's all going to be okay. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I had one of the worst times in my life.

Firstly, it was just...weird. Being 18 and cramped up in an apartment full of twenty-somethings. It was awkward. They were really nice and all, offering us beer and wine. We both refused. Here's what killed me: two guys dared my roommate to eat like a little less than 40 block-sized pieces of Dove Chocolates for like thirty something bucks. She asked me if she should do it, and I said no. That's disgusting--don't do it for those guys and their money. It's degrading and demeaning. It's just like what people do on that supid show "Fear Factor". It's sick. They pressure her and pressure her, and she does it anyway, to my dissent. So, for most of the party, I'm sitting there watching her chug down chocolates while these, I'm sorry to type this as it is not my nature to use profanity, stupid assholes, cheer her on and tell me that I'm not being "supportive". God, I was so disgusted. I literally wanted to walk out the door and walk home, but too bad they drove us to the party--I had to wait for her to finish the stupid bowl of chocolates. She did, and cheers from the guys ensued, and winner takes thirty bucks, a stomach ache, and nausea. And something like a pound and a half of chocolate in the system. Yech.

I sat by her on the couch through this whole sordid chocolate affair and read an Entertainment Weekly. When I finished that, she had been down to her last nine pieces. That's when I put my observing skills to work.

I watched these people drink more and more and talk and lip-sing to the music playing, and in my head I kept thinking--Dear God, don't let this happen to me. I don't want to be like these people. I would hate myself if this is what I would become. This can't be me in a little less than 10 years, it can't. It was so unenlightening and disturbing and mind-boggling to accept what was going on as fun and enjoyment for these people.

I felt like Zach Braff in "Garden State" when he's at the party, and he barely knows anyone except his old high school buddies. And the only thing that makes everything better is the ecstasy he takes. So pretty much to sum up the whole experience, I felt like Zach Braff in the party scene only without drugs and alcohol.

I was really disappointed in my roommate. I mean, she can do whatever she wants, but I was really hoping she wouldn't have taken that stupid dare. I just don't think it's worth being in the spotlight for these stupid people. To have eaten that chocolate and accepted that money for the feat. I also don't think I want to hang out with my brother's friends anymore. I mean, I guess they were cool for a while, and I looked up to them as well, but now I'm not so sure. One of the guys who was part of the dare (my brother's friend's boyfriend) apologized to me afterward saying that he wouldn't have gone through with it if I was disturbed or annoyed. It's a little too late for that now, isn't it? I said that I didn't care--he saw right through that. I'm sort of glad that he did. He drove us home, Thank God. I didn't speak at all the way back, but being loaded on like a Christmas's worth of chocolate, my roommate spoke much, which I'm thankful for. My mind was racing with thoughts about the party and how I'd convey my disgust and sadness on this blog.

Am so glad it's over. So glad to be home.

I did it...only...

Hey friends! Guess what!!! L. (my roommate and good friend) and I were one our way to the Billiard's Club party at the student center around 5:00 p.m., and that's when I saw the boy with glasses. It was a total surprise. He was walking towards us. It was dark, but the lampposts were shining, and there was this tree in front of us, and the raindrops on the leaves were catching all the light making the trees look like they were sparkling with the wind blowing through them and everything. It was beautiful. And I did it. I smiled at him, my friends. I was looking through my glasses and into his, smiling just for him, only. . .

His gaze was on the ground beneath him. He didn't see me at all. Either that or he wanted to ignore me, like I did last night when his gaze was on me. I totally deserved that. Seconds afterward, I laughed at the irony of it.

Sometimes I think God does these things to me just for fun. Like I'm His entertainment, His own little tv show. "The Prufrock Show" or "The Elaine Show." Haha. I think He likes seeing me in these situations. He wants to see how I'd react and everything. And that all the stuff I go through is amusing. I don't blame Him. My life's pretty weird (in a good way) and cinematic. I couldn't have asked for a better life. Thank you God. Thanks for tuning in, for not changing the channel. Haha. God keeps the ratings way up.

Another beautiful thing happened today. I saw a hummingbird this morning hovering over some hydrangeas, my favorite flower. I paused to watch it, and, sensing me, it stopped in mid-air, the flapping of its wings a blur. We looked at each other for a second. It then flew away, and I continued walking. Both of us returning to our obligations. For a brief second, life paused for the both of us; time held back, waiting for us so that it can continue. That doesn’t happen very often, does it? At least, not to those who could perceive as I do, a gift I am burdened with, but would never return to the giver.

Time waited for us. Impossible? Time waits for those who appreciate. For those who look outside the clock and measure it in beautiful moments. To stop for a flower; pause for a cloud; look into a stranger’s eyes. Time can stop for these things. She is forgivable, and wise, and can grant these wishes for those who see its value.

It's just like when you see that person you long for, everything slows down just for you. Like in that scene in "Big Fish." It slows down just enough for you to enjoy it, yet it keeps you longing for a moment more. For those slow seconds, all your focus is just on that beautiful boy, and nothing else matters. I hear nothing, feel nothing. The only sense I am aware of is my sight. All I see is the boy with glasses. And then he's gone.

Thank you God for crossing my path with his this past week. I've never seen him so much in such a short span of days. It'll make up for the six weeks I'll never see him. Thanks again. And thanks, friends, for your support, love, and advice. This Prufrock has much to be thankful for, especially for friends who care for her well-being. I'm so blessed. Have an amazing, beautiful day.

passed the chance

For Jazmine:
I saw him again at dinner. Jazmine, I wanted to follow your counsel, but I failed.

He and his friend walked into the room, and I knew he was standing right there. I have very good peripheral vision, and I saw him standing there out of the corner of my eye, and I knew, I knew he was looking at me. It might have happened for a fraction of a second, that moment his eyes were on me. But it meant the world to me. And I was stupid, I was foolish, I was being a total Prufrock, for not returning that slight glance. All I had to do was turn my head ever so slightly to the left, meet his eyes, and smile. That's all I had to do, and I blew it. I passed the chance. I failed, Jazmine.

The moment was gone, over with. He sat down at a table with his friend where I could easily see him, his right profile in my line of vision. Tortuous. And I noticed that he has sandy brown hair, not blond. It just looks blond in the daylight. I couldn't even pay attention to my friend's conversation because I kept glancing at him...I need help.

A- and a huge weight of my shoulders

It's amazing that I got an A- on my Bryan Singer paper for cinema class. Luckily, the TA that graded it was a Usual Suspects fan because I mostly wrote about that film when I should have written about Singer's other films as well. He wrote at the end of my paper that he was "more partial" to The Usual Suspects, too. Awesome. Now, I've got a David Lynch paper to tackle. Yikes. David Lynch.

Finally finished with the stupid group project. We present tomorrow. Double yikes. Luckily, I don't have to speak.

I really want to download the SETI @ home screensaver, but it's not working out. The screensaver analyzes data from the Arecibo telescope in Puerto Rico. I don't want to explain all the technical stuff since I don't really understand it all myself. All it is is that SETI uses your computer (when you download the screensaver) to help look for extraterrestrial intelligence. I know the link isn't broken because I tried on my friend's computer, and it worked on hers. It's getting me frustrated. I really, really, really, want it. It just seems so interesting. I mean, what if my computer finds a signal? I'll be so popular in the astronomy world. Haha. If you download it, dear reader, tell me if it works for you.

Wrote about this briefly in my friend's blog: I saw him again today. This time, I was walking from a class, and he was walking to a class--the one I usually see him leave from. He was with a girl. I don't know why, but I was so happy to see him with a girl. I mean, it's like I was happy knowing he wasn't alone. Thank you God for that moment. Immediately afterwards I couldn't keep a smile off my face.

What I'm planning to do over Christmas break (some 6 glorious weeks):
1. edit film footage from 2002 England trip and turn it into a DVD (aaahhh!!!)
2. read "Rebel Without a Crew" and "The Screenwriter's Workbook"
3. clean room and get rid of stuff
4. meet with friends
5. go to Disneyland a couple of times (so I can get my money's worth for my pass)
6. go camping with my fam
7. see a bunch of films

in the ipod: "earth angel" by marvin berry and the starlighters (from "Back to the Future"), "violins" performed by yellowcard (originally by lagwagon), and "somewhere only we know" by keane.

can't sleep

i've never had this problem before. this is me trying to type as quietly as i can so i don't wake my roommate up...

i don't even know what to write. here are some quotes i can think of off the top of my head:

"in short: i would have liked, i do confess, to have had the lightest license of a child, and yet been man enough to know its value." -- Scrooge, "A Christmas Carol" by Dickens

"you're lucky if you get the chance to sneeze in this goddamn phenomenal world." -- Zooey, "Franny and Zooey" by J.D. Salinger

"but you know very well you are thinking of another than they; and that he is not thinking of you." -- Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte

"science doesn't explain everyything...how do you know you love someone? it's not science; it's what you feel..." -- Prof. Carico, Astronomy 116

i've run out.

Thanks God

I saw the boy with glasses yesterday. It had been a while since I last saw him. I remember always walking to some class and searching for his face among the crowds of students. Yesterday morning, I walk to critical thinking class, and there he was. Just like when I saw him for the first time. I wasn't even looking for him. I mean, I sort of stopped looking because when I looked I never saw him. But there he was, right when I wasn't looking.

I felt like a dork because I had my Riley hat on. And it's so weird because I'm almost always wearing the same thing whenever I see him: a green skirt and black converses and some shirt and jacket. And he's always wearing dickies, red converses, and a black sweatshirt. I'll never look at red converses the same way again. When I was at the airport I saw a guy wearing a pair of red cons, and I immediately thought of the boy. But, I digress.

I was filled with joy and happiness all day. My friend even told me she saw him at the Humanities building, and that made me happy. We were eating dinner at the dining hall, and I saw the boy with glasses and his two friends walk in. I thought, "This is unbelievable!" They sat in the room we were sitting in, right next to us, but there's this sort of wall between--I'm horrible at descriptions. Sorry. Anyway, we had to leave. That was a nice, brief moment though. Unfortunately there was a wall between us. Literally and figuratively. Sigh.

Christmas sometimes makes me depressed. I'm going to come clean right now--on the Saturday night of Thanksgiving weekend, I cried like I've never cried before. It was unbelievable how hard I cried. I was at the mall with my parents, and the mall was all decked out and everything for the holidays. I was shopping for a coat, and I didn't have any luck. Being at the mall just got to me. Seeing the Christmas decorations and everywhere I turned there was some girl, my age, with some guy, my age. And it made me feel alone. More alone than ever. We drove home, I walked into my room, fell on my knees, and started to cry. And for that moment, I felt so sure that if "this shyness thing" didn't go away, I would die alone...I can get so weird sometimes. Stuff like that happens to me. I go home, coatless, and I'm a puddle of tears. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent again.

Well, I still haven't finished my paper! It's okay though. I'm not really stressing anymore. I mean, it's just work, right? It's just a grade, and grades are just letters and numbers. They don't really mean anything. What matters is what I learned, right? I guess I'm just rationalizing.

I hope none of you are alone on Christmas. Take care.

Feeling sick

I'm not feeling so well. It could be that I've caught some bug, or it could be the impending doom that is my group project. It's due next week. I'm going to go with the latter. And, lucky for me, I've got stuck with the hardest part--analysis. I just needed to vent before I start the thing.

Thankfully, there's no class today. I got up and made my way to the enormous monstrosity of a building that they call the library. Walked three flights (I don't care for elevators) to find that the book I needed was checked out or being used or whatever. I felt like I was going to throw up. Then I decided to walk back home.

So, I was walking back and feeling lousy. The vomiting feeling was lingering as well. I was listening to this song called "cigarette" by yellowcard. And, as I was walking, I just saw myself collapsing on the ground and not breathing. I saw this all happening to myself. And I saw myself being rushed to the hospital, then me lying on a stretcher, and they're pushing me down the hallways and everything. I saw all this happening to the beat of the music I was listening to. Weird. My imagination's so crazy sometimes.

I walked into my room, fell onto my bed, and wanted to die. Wanting to die is a stupid exaggeration, but people think stupid things when they're sick and delirious. I really don't want to die. I just want this paper to be over with. The first thing I did after getting up from my bed was turn my computer on with the intention to blog my heart out.

I'm feeling slightly better now. Back to reality.

I'm back

So, I'm back. Woop-didee-do. Back to cold San Fran. All I have to do is get through 20 something days, and this school stuff will all be over for a good while.

Had an awesome Thanksgiving. All my family said I matured and all that. It's because of the haircut I think. It was nice being home--it felt like I never left. My room looked like it was stuck
in suspended animation though. Very cold and dusty.

Took my good friend and her sister out for lunch. Had a grand, old time. Lots of laughs. We went to Best Buy too because my brother wanted me to buy "The Golden Girls" Season 1 DVD for his friend. I know! GOLDEN GIRLS!!! Immediately, I knew I was going to get flak from the person at the cash register for buying this. So, I get it and go to the register and hand the DVD to this guy. Just my luck, the guy working is pretty cute. He says, incredulously, "GOLDEN GIRLS?!" I laughed and said, "It's not for me." My friends were behind me laughing too. He smiled. He put it in a bag and handed it to me saying, "Alright, enjoy you're Golden Girls!" I laughed. It was a nice moment.

Shopping was crazy. Mom got me some wellies in a nice black and white houndstooth print for when it rains up here. Mom's awesome. Also went shopping when we arrived at Oakland. My cousin picked us up at the airport and took us to Nordstrom Rack. Didn't find anything there, but I walked over to the Old Navy Outlet and got myself this really cool beanie. It's like the one Riley wears in the opening scenes of National Treasure. It has earflaps! It's so cute, and it reminds me of the character of Riley! I wore it to class this morning, and it always makes me feel like laughing when I wear it. We went to another Nordtrom Rack, and I got a pair of blue leather gloves. They're so warm. Afterwards, we ate at the Crepevine on Irving. Really good crepes.

I'm going to try and not write as much--I've got this paper that should have been done a while ago for my group project, but I haven't even started. And there's loads of homework to do, and finals are in three weeks!!! It's going to be okay, though. I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving!

Cinematic

Saw the most beautiful thing today in cinema class. It really made my day. I was sitting there, near the front of the theatre, and this girl sat in front of me. All these students were getting papers on the stage of the theatre for the next essay that we'll have to do. This guy--a real cute looking guy--gets his paper, and right when he walks back, he says, very bashfully to the girl in front of me, "Hey...Do you mind if I sit with you?"

It was wonderful. She said yes, of course. They probably have another class together. Anyway, it was beautiful because he seemed really shy and all, and that was a cool, brave thing that he did. Very cool.

Everyone's leaving for home already! I wish I was them. I've got two classes tomorrow that I have to be at. Oh well. Also, I don't think I'll be able to write on Friday, so here's Friday's funny movie quote:

"Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain." --George McFly, Back to the Future

Hahaha. I love the way Crispin Glover delivers that quote. It's hilarious. Happy Thanksgiving all.

beautiful weekend

The euphoria continued all throughout the weekend. Kuya took us out for philly cheese steak sandwiches. We then went to see National Treasure. I don't care what anyone says, that was a fun movie!! I mean, sitting there and all and watching the film was so much fun!! And Nicolas Cage's sidekick, Riley, was so funny and cute!! I'd see it again, sincerely.

There was this hilarious scene that only my friend and I laughed at: Cage walks with the Declaration of Independence, and he knows he's being followed by the bad guys. So he crosses the street, and this bus comes between him and the bad guys. The second the bus is gone you'd think he disappeared (like in that scene in The Bourne Supremacy). The bad guys wait for the bus to pass and as soon as it does, you see Cage sprinting really fast, and he's like 100 yards away. It was so hilarious. Just seeing him run away. We were the only ones who laughed at loud.

Saturday night dinner was at The Mango Cafe, a carribean restaurant in Palo Alto. Very good. We then walked around, I think it was called Main Street? Anyway, it was this street that had all these cool stores on it. It was a nice autumn night. There was a breeze, and leaves were falling everywhere and all. It was nice. I kept thinking about the boy with glasses, and I dreamed about how if we had our first date, I would want it to be like this. I'm a dreamer--remember that. "These times are hard for dreamers"...Sigh.

I finished my stupid cinema paper. Thank God. I have a lot more work to do, though. I can't wait for my flight back home. It's going to be nice to be home. See my parents. Sleep in my own bed.

in the ipod: "look what you've done" by jet

Euphoria

"To begin... To begin... How to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. So I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana nut. That's a good muffin." -- Charlie Kaufman, Adaptation.

I am so happy right now! I'm not done with my paper, unfortunately, but I'm going to try my best to finish it tonight. I can't even explain my euphoria! Hahaha. But my roommate, also a really awesome friend of mine, is really happy, too! We just can't stop smiling and giggling. I mean, I'm smiling as I write this. When she came back from breakfast, she told me that the boy with glasses was there, and that just added to my euphoria. Knowing that he was eating breakfast. It's unexplainable, the way I'm feeling. It's like the serotonin levels are off the charts because they're so high. I don't want this to go away.

I was even smiling as I walked back from class this morning, and people were looking at me like I was weird, but I didn't care, it only made me want to laugh. My friend was like, "It's like someone pumped happy gas into our room as we slept last night." And then I mimed an elf pumping the happy gas with like those pumps you use to put air in your bike tires. She laughed so hard, and then I started laughing. It was hilarious. It hurts when you smile for so long.

I tried the Ritter Sport chocolate with cornflakes the other day, and it was really good. I ate half of the bar. I'm going to eat the other half after I finish my paper as a reward. Hahaha. Like in Adaptation. I'll put in that quote at the top of this entry. I should have movie quotes every week!! The ones that make me laugh. Okay, in commemoration of my euphoric day today, I will put up funny movie quotes every Friday. Quotes that make me laugh at least. I apologize in advance if you don't find them funny.

Have a euhporic day and weekend everyone!

Mmmm. Thanksgiving.

I can't do this. I just can't do this. I can't even begin to write this stupid paper on Bryan Singer. I'm procrastinating still. I just need to vent. I don't want to write it. On to happier things...

My brother, who I affectionately call "Kuya", is visiting this weekend. He's taking me out so I can go get a decent blanket. Mine's not thick enough. I know: stupid. Who uses thin blankets in fall in San Francisco? Me, obviously. Also, my parents are back from Thailand!!! YAY! And they bought me goodies: Lacoste and Burberry knockoffs. Lovely. My parents are so selfless. Thank you God for awesome parents. Kuya's bringing pictures from the wedding in Thailand too. Wish I could've been there.

Yay! Thanksgiving's almost here. This time it's at my house. It's going to be awesome coming home and having Thanksgiving there with family and everything. Dad's cooking the turkey, and I think my mom's making pansit (filipino noodles!!!). I really miss filipino food.

I'm going to try again to start this stupid paper. Hope it doesn't kill me.

Things I'm thankful for:
1. Mom and Dad and Kuya
2. all my friends
3. my education
4. all the opportunites I've been given
5. movies and music and books and all the arts

No thanks to:
1. writing papers
2. traffic
3. mean people and indecent people
4. homework
5. bad words

Goodbye, decency

People are so indecent these days. Especially my generation. I'm constantly confronted with girls whose mouths are just as bad as boys. Maybe even worse. It makes me so sad. And angry. And the ways girls dress! It's embarassing how they bare everything. I can't stand it. Whatever happened to manners and politeness? Decency?

What prompted me to write about this? I just came from the bathroom and heard a girl down the hall say the f-word. Ugh. Least favorite word. More like, most disliked word. One time, it was written on a wall in red marker. I tried to rub it out, but it wouldn't come out. Sigh.

I admit that I curse as well, but only when I'm alone--not in public, in front of kids, or anywhere else. And I usually curse in French or German. It doesn't happen a lot. Only when I stub my toe or something, or if something bad happens. Does that make me as bad as them?

I'm not just going to rail on girls. Guys are horrible too. It's gross when they spit in front of you. I hate it when their clothing's too baggy or when they're asinine in front of girls.

I remember seeing the coolest thing. It was in a restaurant. This lady excuses herself to go to the restroom, and the guy with her stands up when she gets up to leave. It was beautifully executed, flawless. Like he had done it a million times before.

That would be nice. To be with a guy who's a real gentleman.

Favorite chocolate candy:
1. Reese's Pieces (this counts because it tastes chocolatey to me)
2. Ritter Sport Dark Chocolate with Marzipan (German)
3. Mars Galaxy Minstrels (fancy M&Ms from the UK)
4. Chocolate Orange (the ones you whack on the table)
5. Mini M&Ms

I DID IT!!!

I cut my hair, that is. It's so short! It actually looks like the picture, but a little bit shorter. I've been getting a lot of compliments, which is really nice. It's so different--it'll take a while to get used to it. I haven't told my family about it. I'm just going to wait until they see me so they get a real shock! Hahaha. The lady who cut my hair was really nice. Asked if I wanted a change. I laughed and said yes. It like that scene in "Roman Holiday" where Audrey Hepburn (as Princess Anne) gets a really short haircut. And the hair stylist is all, "All off?" And she says, "All off." And then every time he cuts a bit of hair he takes that bit of hair, holds it in front of her face, and says, "Off." He didn't want to cut her gorgeous, long hair off. That movie is really romantic. Gosh, now I feel like watching it. I hate it when that happens. I don't have it on DVD.

That would be really cool to make a romantic movie. A cool romantic movie too. Not those lame ones with weird premises. Something very classy like "Roman Holiday."

Had class today and found out that the girl next to me saw what happened on Wednesday too! She was like, "Did you notice how he's sitting with her now?" And I was all, "I thought I was the only one!" Very enlightening. We talked about how sad it was and all.

Am excited for tonight. A friend of my roommate is coming over. She's really cool. We're gonna watch some films and order in Chinese food. Very excited.

Saw the boy with glasses today at lunch!!! Thank you God. It was wonderful. Sadly, he had just finished eating and was leaving. I sat down at the bar and watched him leave with a friend. Lovely.

Favorite romantic films (in no particular order):
1. Amelie
2. Roman Holiday
3. The Princess Bride
4. Sleepless in Seattle

Being the outsider

It's cool being the outsider. You see things other people don't see naturally, and that's a gift, really. And all those times you've been ostracized or made fun of are gifts too. That's my optimistic approach.

Something sad happened in class today. Sad, in an outsider's sense. If you're an insider, you probably won't think it's sad.

I sit in the back of class at a long table. The room is filled with 8 long tables with 4 chairs at each table--no individual desks. This one girl enters. I'll call her Anna. She sits two tables ahead of me by herself. She usually walks into class with this one guy, um, Derek. These are all fake names. But this time she didn't. She walked in alone.

Derek enters with a new girl--Kim. They're talking, they're laughing. Derek goes toward the table where Anna sits--that's where he usually sits. With Anna. But Kim motions for him to sit with her at her table. She fakes a "sad face." He casts a glance at Anna who is still sitting by herself. There's something in the way he looks at Anna. Like a look of an apology. If only Anna could see his face, maybe she would accept that apology. He chooses to sit with Kim. Anna sits alone for the whole class time.

It was heartbreaking to see this. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who saw. But still. When you're the outsider, sometimes you see the saddest things. Then again, sometimes you see the funniest things that no one else thinks is funny. I can't think of any right now, I'm still sad about what happened in class.

in the ipod: "too much" and "2 become 1" by spice girls. Yup, I admit it, I like the spice girls. They're songs are catchy!

All play, no work

I can't even begin to start my research paper on Bryan Singer for cinema class. I'm sick of college. I hate the routine. Sometimes routine can be okay because it's comforting and safe. But then you just get sick of it and then you do something spontaneous like leave at the beginning of astronomy class. (This is a reference to my entry titled "Spontaeous combustion".)

I've decided to get my haircut this Thursday. I'm really excited. It's going to look like this. Hopefully. Or maybe a variation of this haircut. I hope it works out. Besides, it's just hair. It grows back. This is Shannyn Sossamon, by the way. I think she's so beautiful. She's gorgeous.

Pretty women:
1. Shannyn Sossamon
2. Catherine Zeta-Jones
3. Kate Winslet
4. Audrey Tatou
5. Audrey Hepburn

Ah...romance.

Why am I on the topic of this. Oh yeah. I wrote that "Your Song" is a romantic song in a previous journal entry, and it is. I had this fantasy in high school. I'd be waiting for class to start and all of a sudden I hear this loud, clear voice..."My gift is my song"...A crowd of students part, and there he is: the boy of my dreams. He wears a tux and holds a bunch of roses and continues singing "Your Song". And then he'd ask me to prom.

I'm such a dreamer.

Prom was probably my least favorite high school experience. It's probably because I went stag with a bunch of friends and all, and I don't like the kind of dancing that goes on. I'm really old-fashioned--I'd like to go to a dance where there would be ballroom dancing or waltzing or something, even though I don't know how to do those things. It'd also be nice if I had a date, or even knew a boy. Four years in an all-girl's school ruined me, it really did. I can't have a decent conversation with the opposite sex because of high school. But I'm probably the only girl in my class that graduated with this problem. So now, in college, with boys around...it's weird. I don't know why I'm ranting on and on about this, I guess I just need to vent, and I'm just so tired of being this way, but I can't find the courage to change anything about it.

By chance, I came across this website Ehow.com that gives instructions to do just about anything. One page was "How to Overcome Shyness." And, of course, yours truly clicks on the page to see what they had to say. Anyway, it had good tips. On the same page was a link to more tips from users of ehow.com, so I clicked on that as well. I mean, what's better than getting tips from people who used to be shy themselves. Here's one tip (titled "Scared straight") that (ahem) struck a chord in me: "Think about the bleak, lonely future you face if this shyness thing doesn't go away. That should be enough motivation."

One word: wow. When I saw this, I laughed out loud. It was just so blunt! And funny and sad at the same time. I mean, these are the bluntest, frankest two sentences I have ever seen in my entire life. The person who wrote this is named Shingo. I kid you not. It's there. Again: wow.

I don't know what else to say. I mean, in a sense, it is true. I wish to God it wasn't. Shingo should write a book: "Shingo's Words of Wisdom." And there should be a disclaimer: "Shingo's words of wisdom are blunt and frank. This book is not for the faint of heart." Hahaha.

Favorite names for boys:
1. Shingo (I'm assuming Shingo is a guy. Haha.)
2. Peter
3. Edmund
4. Calvin
5. Andrew

One grievance

I hate it when people say, "sucks for you." I hate that phrase. It was just said to me today when I told my friend I had a midterm. To which she replied those horrible words. They make you feel like crap, they really do. The last time I've said that to someone was probably in 7th grade, and then I realized that it hurts when someone says that to you. Or maybe I'm just a big baby. No, no, no...those words are real crap. The next person that says that to me gets to be called a twat.

Okay, I'm glad I got that frustration out. In other news, I really want to cut my hair, but I don't know what I want yet. I know I want it short. It's short right now, it's a little above my shoulders, I just don't want to have to be able to put it in a ponytail. It's amazing what a haircut can do to you. I got a haircut right after I graduated from high school, and it changed everything.

Neat

http://www.geocities.com/elainegrace281/cemetary.jpg

My friend just showed me how to use the scanner. Cool picture, huh? Took it when my mom, grandma, brother, and I went to Europe in the summer. It was the year before my junior year of high school. This picture was taken in a cemetary in Norway. I have family there. Isn't that cool?! I've got more pictures I'd like to show, but most of them are at home in southern California. This picture totally reminds me of Gray's "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard." Beautiful, amazing poem. Very lovely. Read it sometime.

Am going out to eat with friends. Later.

in the ipod: "your song" sung by Ewan McGregor (one of the most romantic songs...will write about that later)
"L'absente" by yann tiersen

Quality

Had a really cool weekend. We had a sleepover on Friday. Watched "28 Days Later", which was really good. It was scary and enlightening, which is rare in some of the horror films I've seen. And I can't stop saying the word 'twat.' I got it from "28 Days Later." It's just a fun word to say. Say it out loud, right now. Twat. Isn't that amazing? It's britspeak for 'idiot.' Gotta love the Brits. I finished this children's book, or young adult's book, whatever, it's called "Millions", and it's also being made into a film. It's British too, and the kids say 'quality.' When something's good, it's 'quality.' Love that.

Had an uneventful Halloween though. Didn't really do anything or dress up. Pretty much stayed in and read. Maybe next year.

on the ipod:
"accidentally in love" by counting crows
"table of glasses", "lucky denver mint", and "your new aesthetic" by jimmy eat world

Why, God, why?!?!

I was walking back from astronomy class, and lo and behold, there he is again. The boy with glasses. I literally stopped dead in my tracks. Actually, I had stopped walking on the path because I was choosing a song to listen to on my ipod (I picked "La Valse d'Amelie"), and when I picked it and looked up to start walking again, there he was. He had his back to me, but he was standing on the grass, just like before, talking on his cell phone. I couldn't even breathe. I just knew it was him. And to confirm it, he turned a quarter turn, like 90 degrees, and I saw the profile of his face, and it was beautiful.

The first thought that came into my mind was, "Why, God, why?!?!" Why are you torturing me?! I was laughing and smiling at myself at the sheer moment of it all. Seeing him again in my most loneliest moments. It's most rewarding. It's the best torture I've ever had to go through. Thanks again, God. You've really pulled through. Maybe me seeing him again today is a response from God, because I prayed for the boy with glasses last night. And, yes, I sometimes pray for strangers.

Anyways...what a great day!!! I can't stop smiling. Hahaha. Have a great weekend guys! And Happy Halloween!!

A giddy schoolgirl

Another boy with glasses sighting! It's the third one this week.

I'm walking to my astronomy lab and listening to my ipod on the way there, like I always do. And there he is. He's walking back and forth on the grass, talking on his cell phone. Beautiful. Thank you God. Actually, at that moment, I said quitely to myself, "God." It was like a thank you to God. Thanks again God!! Haha. It was beautiful. I was listening to my Amelie soundtrack, which made the moment all the more cinematic. Life's so cinematic--that's my line, so nobody better steal it. I'm going to use it in one of my films.

I was so happy after that moment that I couldn't stop smiling. I just couldn't. I was even giggling! I was very giddy--hence the title. My happy spirits made lab go so quickly. It was over in a snap. And then I couldn't stop smiling on my way back from lab. What is it about him that makes me so? I'll never know.

Things/people that make me blush and/or smile:
1. the boy with glasses
2. when something funny happens in class
3. when boys are polite and/or funny
4. whenever I watch "The Princess Bride"
5. whenever I do something embarassing (like the time I tripped in the movie theatre in front of all the employees)

Here's a list of films I can't wait for. You can find their trailers at http://www.apple.com/trailers
1. Millions
2. The Life Aquatic (another Wes Anderson film!)
3. Ocean's Twelve
4. Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
5. A Very Long Engagement (starring Audrey Tatou!)

Spontaneous combustion

This entry actually has nothing to do with spontaneous combustion, I just thought it would be an intriguing title. I did do something today that was totally out of character and very spontaneous of me.

I was sitting in astronomy class waiting for class to start, by myself, mind you, because I have no friends in most of my classes. And that's the saddest, loneliest class I have because it's a huge class, and nobody sits by me. Enough about my loneliness. So I was sitting when I checked my cell, and my brother's girfriend had called me. So I called her back. She told me that she was going to Target and was wondering if I wanted to come. I told her I couldn't, that I was in class and all, but thanks anyways. I hung up.

I started putting my hair up in a ponytail, and then these two girls behind me started laughing. I don't know why. Being the Prufrock that I am, I thought that they were laughing at me. I don't know why I assumed that; I just did. I'm such a loser. Anyway, that's when I got up and just left the room. I left and didn't look back.

I called my brother's girlfriend and told her that I can go now because I've ditched class. Hahaha. She got all mad at me for ditching and all and told me not to tell my brother that she took me out when I should be in class. I agreed. We went to Target, and I got to get stuff I needed.

So, that was nice. Being spontaneous and all. I remember walking away from class, across the quad, and seeing the boy with glasses walk past me on the same path. And I immediately thought, "Oh, a bonus." He didn't see me though. Again, invisible. It was nice, though. It was nice breaking away from routine. I know that if I hadn't skipped, I would not have seen the boy with glasses. Life's so bizarre. All the different paths we take every single day--it's amazing. One small choice, and everything's different. It's mind boggling. The outcomes are endless. It makes me want to spontaneously combust.

Haha.

Family. It isn't a word; it's a sentence.

Remember that? That was the tagline for "The Royal Tenenbaums." Anyways, my brother came and visited me yesterday, which was really cool. Took my roommate and I out to breakfast with his girlfriend. After, we went to Best Buy because I wanted to get the "Arrested Development" DVD set. Awesome, funny show. We then dropped off my roommate because she had to work on her term paper and his girlfriend because she had to go study for her midterm.

We went to go play pool. Fun times. He's really good, and I'm getting better since I've been playing every friday with my friends. We walked around on Irving and had a small bite to eat at Tart to Tart, this neat cafe. It was nice to be around family and get away from studying. I have the awesomest brother. He told me once that when I finish with film school he'll help invest in my films. He's a pharmacist, and I'm pretty much going to be the starving artist in the family. But, how awesome is that? It doesn't get any better than that.

Argh. Don't really want to study, but I have to.

Another great day to be alive

What a great day. It was nice outside. The sun was shining, but it was bit breezy which was nice. My first class ended early--awesome. And my second class was pretty good. Except for the fact that these two boys were totally looking at my answers in astronomy lab, and my lab partner was like, "Hey, Elaine, let's go over here," so they couldn't see my answers. They were really rude boys and were sleeping during the lecture before the lab. They got their comeuppance though because when the professor was checking labs she totally scolded them, and my lab partner looked at me and smiled, and I smiled back. It was awesome seeing them get scolded. Hahaha. I know that that sounds bad, but they totally deserved it.

"Ambush Makeover" is a really cool show. Random people are picked off the streets and given makeovers. Most of the time, the women they pick are these moms who just never have time for themselves because they take care of their children. It's awesome to see these women getting pampered and getting free clothes that they would never have bought. On today's show, this one lady cried after seeing her new self--she was just so happy to have been given all this attention that she'd been neglected of. What an amazing show. I like it when they do men too. They took this one guy who seriously looked like a bum--beard, lots of hair, and baggy clothing--and put him in a suit and shaved his beard and cut his hair. He looked hot afterward! It's amazing what scissors and new clothes can do to a person. I love these people's reactions, too. They're so happy...I wonder what they'd do to me if I they picked me.

Other reasons to be alive:
1. seeing the stars
2. amazing friends who make you laugh
3. amazing music, films, books
4. knowing that others are glad that you're alive
5. admiring boys..haha. Especially the boy with glasses.

the one advantage to being sick

There's only one advantage to being sick and congested: the sexy, phlegmy voice.

I know that sounds gross, but it's true. I've got a decent singing voice, but once the phlegm settles in, and the nose is clogged, it's instant sexy. Hahaha...I'm such a dork. I'm probably the only person who thinks it's sexy.

Good songs to sing with a sexy, phlegm voice:
"Save Me" and "One" by Aimee Mann
"In the Waiting line" by Zero 7
"Caramel" by Suzanne Vega...at least, these are the only songs I've been singing whenever my roommate is not around.

My first rainy day here...

I've got a cold, and it's raining. It's nice and sad, though. What's that quote from A Farewell to Arms? "I am afraid of the rain because sometimes I see me dead in it." Sad story.

My friends and I were eating dinner at the dining center and sitting at this bar that looks outside so we can watch the rain. It's the same room I sat in when I saw the boy with glasses that one beautiful day. I turn to talk to my friend, and out of the corner of my eye I see him--there he is. The boy with glasses sits at a table eating dinner with his friends again. Thank you, God. My heart skips.

I turned away, out of sheer shock and shyness, and stared out the window. It's okay, though. He didn't see me. I'm totally invisible.

We left before they did. I can still recall walking away and reprimanding myself for being...myself. Some things will never change.

Busted

Last night was interesting.

My roommate and I watched from our window a couple of guys being interrogated by police. Catherine wakes me up saying, "Check it out, Elaine! I think it's Danny"--this guy who we ate dinner with once at the dining center. I don't think we'll be eating with him anymore. We watched one guy get handcuffed and arrested. Might have been drugs. I dunno.

I had vertigo the other night. I know! Vertigo! Who gets vertigo anymore?! That was a very good movie, anyway. The ending was surprising. I hope I don't get it again.

on my ipod:
"caramel" by suzanne vega (from the trailer for "Closer")
"halcyon and on and on" by orbital
"love will come through" by travis (from "Garden State")

To Mark

I hope you're happy, Mark. You've made me cry. I hate you. I'm sorry...I really don't hate you. I really don't. It's just that...you know what, I can't even find the words, I can't even...You used the "Love Song" against me! You used it against me!! When I read your beautiful words I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both.

Thanks. Thank you for commenting at 1:48 in the morning. Thank you for the beautiful words. But, I will never be able to follow through. YOU DON'T KNOW ME, MARK. I will be fine not being able to know the boy with glasses. Just knowing he exists will suffice. That, and that alone, would be okay for me.

I hope you got some sleep. By the way, you have an amazing knowledge of the poem. Take care, Mark.

Another beautiful day...

The sun was shining today, and there was a slight breeze. As I walked to another class across the quad I listened to "Bittersweet Symphony." Beautiful. And it got better.

I just came back from dinner, and I saw the boy with glasses at the dining center. He was at the dessert table...getting desert. I felt just like Amelie when she sees Nino for the first time (from the film "Amelie" : ) ). Heart was beating out of my chest and everything. I was walking to a table, and I noticed him walking behind me. He happened to be sitting with three other guys at a table across the room. Thank you, God.

My friend sat down with me, and I pointed him out to her. I've described him to her before, but she's never seen him. And she told me that when she had seen him, she knew that that was him. I mean, she knew that he was the boy with glasses without me having to tell her that he was the boy with glasses. I wore a huge smile althroughout dinner.

My friend told me to go talk to him. Are you kidding?!?! I am Prufrock. I just can't do it. If it happens, it happens. If we were destined to meet, then somehow we will meet. But not today.

He left the dining center with his friends, and they passed by our table. I didn't even have the courage to glance at him and maybe smile. I was just too afraid. I called myself a wimp as I stared at my half-eaten pasta. Outside the large glass windows I saw him and his friends walk away. Goodbye, boy with glasses. Oh, and you too,..uh...friends of boy with glasses.

Still, it was nice. Having my heart beat out of my chest while knowing he was walking behind me. That rarely happens with anyone. My heart's a flutter just reminiscing about it. I hope I see him again.

Whew...relief.

Okay, so the exam wasn't that bad, but I wish I had studied harder. Definitely will on the next one. I hope.

Saw "I Heart Huckabees" last weekend. I really enjoyed it. I also think Jason Schwartzman is an amazing actor. I can't wait to see his next film. "Huckabees" enlightened me in the same way J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey did. I mean, I walked out of the cinema very enlightened and all. My favorite quote from "Huckabees": "Everything matters and everything is connected."

My roommate and I were discussing the idea of soul mates last night. Does every person have one true, perfect other? Or are there many people just right for us? How do we know? Is it a feeling?

I guess when you've found that someone, then you do believe in soul mates. And if you haven't, then you don't. It's hard to say. I haven't found him, but I do believe in someone perfect for me. It's scary how much faith I put in that.

Songs I'm listening to on my ipod:
"brick" by ben folds five
"May 16" by lagwagon
"harmonic" by unwritten law
"lover's spit" by broken social scene

AHHH!!!

Haha..I have an exam in astronomy class today that's worth 30% of my grade. Scary. And what am I doing? I'm writing in my blogger. It's good to know what my priorities are.

Looks like I'm going to keep writing here, thanks to Mark who convinced me to...well, keep writing.

Must go to class. Will write about the exam when I get back.

Toodles,
Elaine

I wonder...

I wonder if anyone is really reading this, because I'm thinking of just stopping this whole blogger thing...I'll wait and see.

I can't wait to go home and sleep in my own bed. I wonder if it'll still feel the same. Like how it used to feel when I slept in my bed in high school and grade school. I don't know. Thanksgiving seems like an awfully long time.

My parents are going to Thailand. My cousin is getting married. Lucky. My parents, I mean. I'm not ready for marriage.

I wasn't dreaming!!!

Hello my friends. So, I thought I was dreaming because for the past week I haven't seen the boy with glasses. And that maybe my lonely self subconsciously imagined him, and that he wasn't real at all.

Saddened by this thought, I gave up all hope of ever seeing him again.

During lunch today, I was sitting by myself, waiting for a friend, when I look over directly to my left, I see the boy with glasses getting a slice of pizza. Beautiful. Thank you, God. I wasn't dreaming. He wore a plain white t-shirt and dickies and red Chuck Taylors. His hair was formed into a messy fauxhawk without any traces of product. I'm so taken by him.

Anyway, that was beautiful, and that's the last I saw of him. I hope I see him again.

School is...school. Cinema class has been ssoooo boring. I could just shoot myself whenever I'm in that class. I only like it when we watch the films and nobody talks. Hopefully it'll get better.

Have a beautiful, nice day!
Elaine

Chinatown

Took the Muni and got off at Powell. Walked to Chinatown. It's unbelievable that I had to go all the way to Chinatown to get a textbook. It's for Asian American Studies.

It's so different being in the city. There's a sort of loneliness to it. I mean, sitting in the muni, waiting for Powell street, listening to my iPod. Watching people get on and off. Going through the turnstiles--I think that's what you call them. It's lonely, but nice.

I had to walk under this tunnel that ran for like 1/8 of a mile. And then--there it was. Chinatown. There were all these cool dim sum places and stores. Real nice. Unfortunately I couldn't stay long. I got the book and left.

A freshman from my university passed away today. He fell into the ocean at a retreat for the Presidential Scholar's program. I didn't know him. But still...you still feel sad.

Hello

This is really neat. I'm glad I did this. I will write back later. I have class in a few minutes.