the opportunities continue...

For the first time here, I finally went to a Cinema Collective meeting at my school. It's this film club that meets every Monday. I was always scared to go by myself or I've always had a class during the time that they meet, but I finally went. It was worth it.

I got the balls to go last Friday, when I attended a forum hosted by the guys who run the Cinema Collective. There were only a handful of people there--mostly girls, but it was cool. I went because I knew someone who was going. The guys gave a lot of really good information. They showed us some student films, and they said that the Collective met every Monday and that we should all check it out. So I went.

It was amazing. I thought that we'd probably talk for a few minutes and then that would be it. The main guy, P., said that we were going to do a night shoot. Outside. In the cold. I was terrified. I don't know a thing about making a real film, other than the stuff I read about in the books, and even that stuff is just a drop in the bucket to what I should know. There were 2 other girls sitting by me. I asked them what they were going to do: lighting, sound, camera? They were going to do lighting. I asked if I could tag along with them.

The ratio of guys to girls was high--which is pretty cool considering that I was surrounded by a bunch of dorky, film-passionate guys. They were awesome. Some of them were cute too. P. was really helpful and nice. He taught me a lot about the things that grips do. There was another guy--he brought a lot of the equipment: the tracks for the dolly, the lights, C stands, extension cords. He was cool too. His name is S.. I thought that he was cute. He taught me how to use the clapper board. Can you imagine? I was calling out the scenes and takes. This one girl who was a member of the Collective for a while came up to me and said that I did a good job! I was so happy. And then, after I did another take, S. looked over at me--he was holding one of the light stands because it was really windy--and he smiled and gave me a thumbs up. It was getting colder and wetter. P. repeatedly asked me if I was cold and if I wanted gloves. I said that I was okay. I was lying, I just didn't want to be a wuss. I wanted to be accepted, you know?

During a set-up for another take, P. calls me over. We chatted a little. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered, "Direct...but anything in film would be great." He smiled. He said that he wanted to direct to but that he likes gripping as well. He then took off his scarf and gloves and told me to wear them. How sweet and nice is that? Such a rarity. I was amazed.

Anyway, I did horribly on my French test because I didn't come home from the shoot until 9:30. And I sleep around 10. I need my beauty sleep. It was worth it though. I am scared though about that other shoot that I volunteered to be a PA for. Kuya was telling me that they usually treat PAs like crap. That I have to have heart of stone. We'll see how that goes, remember my summer job? That pulverized me. Ugh. I hated that stupid desk job. I did it for the money though. Heart of stone. Heart of stone. I can't let people walk all over me like I let them do. God, help me get through this, and give me strength.