last day

Last day of shooting, thank God. No, I had a fun time actually. I learned so much: how to be a better director, to plan for EVERYTHING, and how to treat my crew and actors.

We wrapped up late last night which isn't a surprise. Around 2 am. I was bringing lighting equipment downstairs. I set it down and saw Slate bringing stuff down too. I avoided looking at him and was going to head back up, but Slate started talking to me.

"So, last night of shooting here."
"Yeah," I smiled shyly.
"Are you working on any other productions?"
"Scooter and I are going to work on a super 8 film, but it's not ready yet." (More on that later!)
"Cool...yeah, we could use some help on our film..."
"Oh?" (I was giddy inside! He wants me to help on his film!)
"Yeah...I mean, you don't have to be script supervisor. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know..."
"Well, let me know." He said.

AAAHH!!! More films that need my help! AR. also needs help on his short film (20 min.), and he asked me to be his script supervisor. I'm slowly being pegged into this job, but I don't care, I want to work on films! So, I'll be working on Slate's film too if my schedule permits. YAY!

Oh yeah, there's this super 8mm contest that I want to enter, and I asked Scooter if he wants to help me. He's really interested in working with Super 8. I told him about the camera that I have, and he wants to make a mafia film with some scenes in super 8.

Also, I won a boom pole!!! It's the long fishing pole kind of thing that holds the mic. We all entered it in a drawing at Cinegear, and I won!!! Thank you God. Dad says I'm lucky. I also think it's a sign that Cinema is the path for me.

Woo-hoo! I get to work with cute, funny boys all the time and make art. Thank you God for making up for those 4 years of all-girl's high school.

I am halfway to 40. Scary.

I am 20. AAHH!! My birthday was incredible. Went to Cinegear and had the most excellent time. Got a lot of free stuff: t-shirts, magazines, even a English to French translation book of film terms (which includes a sleazy story as to how I got it--will tell later). The drive down to LA was hot and cramped, but I was stuck in a car with the most awesome people: Scooter, LV., B., and AR. (a new cinema friend!). I sat between Scooter and B.--funny guys.

I got to spend a lot of time with Scooter, which makes me happy. God, he's just so fun to be with, and he's hilarious and such a dork. We were talking about the show "Murder, She Wrote", and B. thought Lucille Ball played the detective. Scooter explained that Lucille Ball was in "I Love Lucy", and Angela Lansbury was in "Murder, She Wrote". I said, "Haha, 'Murder, She Loved'!" to Scooter, and he started laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, and then I laughed at his reaction. It was the best feeling, making him laugh. During my birthday BBQ, he and LV. left the party. I didn't know where they went. When they came back, he brought me a gift: two dvds of his favorite director, Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll makes these horrible movies that are fun to watch and make fun of. Scooter loves Boll. We put it on after we cut my cake and had a good laugh watching it.

I took tons of pictures at Cinegear, mostly of other people--I don't like to be in pictures that much. Oh, the sleazy story! We were at the American Cinematographer's magazine booth. They had free magazines and were selling books. I was eyeing this French to English book of film terms. I asked this old man behind the booth how much they were, and he said, "For you, smile for me, and it's free." I smiled at him, trying to hide my discomfort. Scooter and B. were all, "Ooohh!" He gave me the book, and I said, "Thanks." What a sleazeball! Scarf told me later that he's a famous cinematographer. In hindsight, it's a pretty funny situation.

We drove back yesterday in the stuffed car which was even more stuffed with all our free stuff. We stopped to eat and somehow got into talking about kids. Scooter said that he wants to have kids by the time he's 25. He's 20 now. LV. said, "You better start looking [for a girlfriend]!!" We all laughed. I found out too during that conversation that Scooter is adopted. When we stopped again later on the road at a gas station, I confronted him alone.

Me: I didn't know you were adopted.
Him: Yeah, both of my parents are white. [He's Korean.]
Me: Would you consider looking for your real parents?
Him: I dunno...I definitely want to go to Seoul though.

I just thought that that was really interesting. I brought back Dad's super 8 camera, and Scooter and I are planning to make a film together for a super 8 film contest. I'm excited and am thinking about ideas. I wonder what my parents and Kuya think of Scooter...they all met him and the other people in the car because everyone slept at my house. I told Mom that I like Scooter--she didn't say anything, she just smiled at me this smile that she does.

a quick post while I'm away

We leave tomorrow for LA. Woo-hoo! Am very excited to see old friends and have fun with just recently made friends. It's so weird to think that I only met these people (Cinema Collective) less than 5 months ago, and now some of them are sleeping at my house for Cinegear. They're good people.

Shooting has been going well, except I think that P. is sort of "mad" at me. I've been very aloof and distant with him, just a little. Mostly when we're not working. When we're working, then I'm very professional. But, sometimes he wants to hang out outside of shooting, and I really don't like hanging out with him too much because he's such a chatterbox, and not in a good way at that. I always keep thinking, "Can we please have some silence, just for a little while?" I also have this feeling that he has feelings for me. I like him, as a friend, but I'm not attracted to him in the way that I'm attracted to Slate. I'm also starting to like Scooter! God, why must you surround me with wonderful boys?

Scooter and I joke around a lot on the set, and he's nice and funny, and warm, and I don't feel awkward with him in the way I feel with P.. I feel so comfortable and myself with Scooter. With Slate, it's still this Amelie-ish sort of crush in that I'm shy around him and courteous, but I can't really talk to him or look him in the eye. We don't talk much to each other unless it's work talk.

Yesterday, we were filming at night outdoors, and I was standing in front of him holding the slate. He had the camera on me and said, "It's time for your cameo, Elaine." I smiled and laughed a little. Then he said to his little brother who was holding a reflective sheet to direct light on the actor, "Hey, D., give Elaine a little fill light." Dylan did. The light lit up my face. It was nice that he did that. It was such a small thing, but you know me too well that things like that really do it to me.

I'll post next week when I'm back from home. I don't feel like taking my laptop with me. I can't believe I'm turning twenty on Friday! AAHH! I'm glad that I'll be surrounded by friends and family instead of stuck here in cold SF. Later friends!

more time

You've probably noticed that I've been blogging, even though I wrote that I'd only blog once a week. I dropped one of my classes, the racism one. Because of the shoots, I've been coming home really late (4 in the morning being the latest), and I haven't been keeping up on the reading. I totally underestimated summer school. Instead, I'll take two classes for the next session of summer school that starts in July. It's better this way. By that time, I'll have two weddings out of the way, Cinegear, my birthday, and Patrick's shoot.

It's official: Slate and M.E. are staying in SF for the weekend of Cinegear to work on P.'s film. Not cool. I'm pretty selfish though, huh? Me wanting them down for my birthday barbeque and Cinegear instead of working on P's film. To be honest, I don't think that it's a great script. P. asked me if I liked it. I was honest and didn't want to hurt his feelings so I said that it was "okay". P.'s pretty ambitious though, trying to make a 50 minute feature with an ensemble cast in 3 weeks. There have been many problems, especially with the actors.

With all this extra time, I'm going to study up on my filmmaker's handbook, work on my own movie ideas, blog about P.'s shoot, and ponder my 20th birthday. Take care.

New things I'm liking: Gatorade, biking to West Portal to get fresh fruit, awkward silences, being a stand-in for Slate.

I admit it

I'm mad at P. right now!

He asked Slate to stay in SF instead of going down to Cinegear so that he can get some scenes down. NNNNNOOOO!!!! That is so not cool. Slate told me himself that P.'s making him stay and that Scooter and I would have to find another ride. That can't happen.

The reason I want Slate to be there is two-fold: One, he totally deserves a break from shooting. He and his friend (M.E.) have been working so hard on this production. He was telling me that Cinegear was supposed to be his "summer break". Now he's stuck in SF working on P.'s stupid movie (which I think isn't that great anyway) while everyone's going to the event that he's been looking forward to all year? Two, I want him there because...

I like him. There. I admit it. I like him, I do. And I want him there for my birthday. He's smart, funny, warm, and I'm totally intimidated by him like most of the guys I like. I chose "scared" in the last post. I called Cher for her advice about Slate, and she said that maybe "scared" of him isn't the right expression. I'm intimidated by him. That's all I want for my birthday, for him to be there. God, I'm such a girl.

Moreover, P. is just pissing me off. He keeps repeatedly asking about my movie idea. At first it was very flattering, and now it's just really annoying. I swear, he keeps asking about it at every shoot. I have this feeling he has a crush on me: he wants to hang out with me (just me) outside the shoot, I made him a cd and he called it "the best gift he's ever received", and he texts messages me all the time.

I like him as a friend. He's nice and all, but I really don't like him that way, and after this whole production of his film, he's starting to get on my nerves. The best thing though is that he knows already that I don't want a boyfriend--he asked me what my "situation" was, and I told him bluntly that I'm not dating and that I don't need a boyfriend right now. It's better to get those things out instead of being vague because that wastes time.

Scooter and I were going to go to a movie together, and P. wants to come too even though he's seen the film already. Ugh! I really don't like P.

I overanalyze too much

I have time to write. Rather, I'm using my extra time (no shoot today) to write instead of study for my stupid summer classes that I'm doing horrible in.

When people say things, I can't help but wonder what the meaning is behind their words. Why did they choose those words or say it in that tone? I dissect, I infer, I overanalyze. That is my curse. One of them.

We were at the playground yesterday shooting another scene. It was late--2 in the morning. I was calling out the takes again. I put the slate up in front of the camera for Slate (who is the DP and camera operator). It wasn't close enough to the camera, so Slate was saying to me, "Closer, come closer, come on, you love me, Elaine...Okay, stop. That's enough."

I called out the take. I think my voice was shaking from that little moment. Or it was just too cold. AAAAHHH!!! My overanalyzing brain is about to explode. I hope my face registered no reaction to those little directions. Why would he say something like that, and in front of everyone (cast and crew). Maybe it was just too late, too cold at that playground. It didn't mean anything, he was just saying something random, totally random. It means nothing. If I may overanalyze even some more...why do I want this to mean nothing at all?

If you remember...I used to have a crush on him. I still think he's cool, he just scares me. He's intelligent in everything film, he's serious when it comes to filmmaking, yet funny on set, he's cute...that's all dangerous! I can have another crush on him! I won't, I won't. He's just too amazing, and I don't even think he likes me that much. I just feel so useless on shoots because I know little about setting up lights (his specialty), and I just watch the guys get the lights ready. I want to help, but then again, I don't want to bother him and the rest of the guys with questions about the equipment. Anyway...another interesting thing happened last night...something so cinematic.

We were setting up for another shot. This time it was handheld. Slate would walk backwards as the two actors were walking forward. He was practicing moving backwards and also adjusting the lights. I was standing around holding my script looking over my notes. He asked me to be his stand-in. I stood in the actors's marks. He stood a couple of feet in front of me pointing his camera on me, his eyes on the viewfinder (the screen).

"Okay Elaine, walk towards me," he says.

I'm nervous. I'm not a huge fan of being alone on camera. I start walking forward, my eyes on the ground.

"Look up." He directs. I obey. My eyes go straight into that circular lens glass that catches all, hides nothing, not even the deepest feeling that I long to obscure from everyone. One would only need to watch the footage to see. Thank God it wasn't being recorded. My eyes told on me. I let everything out. I look back to the floor as I continue walking.

"Look up," he says, this time softer. I do so, avoiding the lens, I look far off behind him. He stops moving, puts his camera down and says, "That looks good." I nod, saying nothing as I walk away. He goes back to working with the camera.

What a moment. So cinematic. It was so unreal. God, thank you for that moment of vulnerability. God, I swear my eyes revealed everything. Why must they betray me like that?

Also, I'm getting a ride to LA with him and other people who are going to CineGear. I mustn't show myself like that again, but God knows I can't help it. I also think He likes what's going on. Makes for a good film.

Woo-hoo! Three hours of sleep!

I slept three and a half hours this morning. Yesterday was our third day of shooting. We wrapped at 4 in the morning. Today is everyone's day off.

For the first shoot, we were on location, at a house near school. We shot three scenes, all exteriors, so the crew was freezing cold. My job was pretty easy--keep continuity, record the takes that the DP and director liked, and make a lined script, which the DP (Slate), taught me in two minutes. It was pretty confusing, but when I got home I got out my filmmaking textbook and looked it up to make sure I was doing it right. I draw a line from the top of the script down. When there's dialogue or a person that's off camera for that shot, then I draw a squiggly line over that dialogue.

I hung out with the sound recordist and the 2nd AC, B. and Scooter, respectively. I showed Scooter how to do slate because he hadn't done it before. He was so funny. Whenever he'd call slate, he'd make up a different word for the shot, which is labeled with a letter. So for Scene 9B he'd go, "SCENE 9, BATTLEBOTS, TAKE 1!". We'd crack up everytime with each new word he came up with. Three scenes that day.

The next day, we were on Portola, overlooking the city. It was the afternoon. It was too cloudy, so we ended up not shooting there that day. Sucks, but that's what happens. The actors were pissed. We drove over to Alameda and shot a scene at a playground. I also became 2nd AC since Scooter couldn't make it to the shoot. It was cold again, so I brought my Holden hat. I took it out and gave it to B. who was pretty cold. Everyone loved the hat on him, but he told people that it was mine. It was late. Maybe 10, and lights weren't set-up yet. We didn't get a permit! When lights were finally up, a police car came by and a policewoman came up to talk to us. She said she was getting calls about strange lights (our lights), but that no one was complaining. We were pretty quiet. Slate sweet talked her, and we got to stay there till 12. Awesome. We got our shots. The complaining girl actor left, and we were tearing down everything. B. was getting room tone (just the ambient noise of a location). We had to stay quiet for a minute. We just stood in the dark on that playground surrounded by all this film and lighting equipment. The moon was out, and I was watching the clouds pass by it. Slate was getting footage of it. B-roll. It was so cinematic just standing there, not saying anything.

Sunday's shoot. Back at the house. We did three scenes, two of them interior. It went okay. I was 2nd AC again. My "mentors" from Cinema Collective, Scarf and S.M., came by to help grip. It was awesome seeing them. They came from an all day shoot for a music video. That's dedication. They said I do slate like a pro. I was taught by pros! The last scene was outside, in the cold again. My hat got passed around again. This time Scarf put it on. Everyone looks good in that hat. We were done around 4 in the morning. We got our shots. They were pretty good. I was hanging around the monitor since P. wanted me to watch each shot on the monitor. For one of the slates I said, "SCENE 9, BOLLYWOOD, TAKE 1!" During that take Scarf came up to me and whispered, trying not to laugh, "Did you just say Bollywood?"

All in all a good three days of shooting. It's nice being the only girl surrounded by amazing guys. My dream come true. Oh, and I get to work on film shoots and help make a film. Two dreams come true. It was hilarious because whenever some guy said a dirty comment or joke he'd go, "Oh...Uh, sorry Elaine." They kept apologizing to me for being the dirty guys that they are, but they weren't always nasty. Good times were had by all. I'm really glad we got this day off. I need to get some homework and studying done!

Tomorrow, we shoot at the playground in Alameda again. Later friends!

let the insanity begin

[NOTE for Het: I responded to your comment a few posts below, just to let you know. Thanks!]

I hate summer school. Actually, I just hate my Racism class. There's so much reading! I just did a presentation today to get it out of the way. I think I did okay. But, God, was it horrible being up there and all. At least it is done. Also, I don't think the professor likes me. On wednesday, she was discussing racism, of course, and I was daydreaming about something that was making me smile, and she said, right in front of everyone, "Why are you smiling?" Not in a mean way, but in an amused sort of way, and I was fumbling over my words saying, "Uh..I...I don't know." It was embarassing.

Afterwards, I treated myself to a monster veggie sandwich at the student center. Hummus, falafel, spinach, cucumber, carrots all on a wheat roll. Scrumptious. I can't remember the last time I ate meat. I really don't enjoy cooking meat anymore. I just don't like touching it. So I guess I'm becoming a vegetarian. Not by choice, I just don't like cooking my own meat. I'll buy it cooked. Anyway, I think I'll treat myself to lunch every Friday at school because there are really so many places to eat and lots of good food that I never really enjoy. So that will be my one indulgence. Plus, I only ate half of that sandwich, so it'll be my dinner later.

Greek and Roman myth is pretty cool. The professor is amazing and funny. Oh! And this cute glasses wearing boy chose to sit in front of me the first class and then he sat in front of me the second class too! I laugh a lot in that class, and sometimes when I laugh, he laughs too, immediately right after me. It's like he's laughing at me laughing. I think it's quite nice. I wish he would speak to me. It's a small class.

The shoot begins today. Ugh. Call time 5:15 p.m. AAHHH! I think that the call times for Friday through the weekend should be longer and the call times during the week should be shorter. But that's just me. I'm thinking that I'll get an average of 5 hours of sleep a day during the school week because of the crazy call times and my classes. That leaves little time for blogging, which I love. So, take a vacation from the internet, check up on my blog maybe once a week for a post because I'll probably be averaging out a post a week if one at all. Happy summer!

I am worried.

I am approaching 20 soon, soon. Very soon. What worries me are these main things:

1. I don't have a job.
2. I'll be in school for a while.
3. I have chosen a difficult, unstable career path that I am in love with, but scares me.
4. I don't have a job.

As a result of not having a job, my life, my clutter, is monastic at best. I am learning to buy what I need, sell back what I don't (some clothes no longer fit me--losing weight comes with monastic living), scrimp, save, and get the best with what I have.

I applied to a couple of places before summer let out, and no one has called me back. That's okay. That's okay. This month is hectic, as I wrote before. How could I possibly work, go to summer school, and work on a film? I have never done that before. But others have, and they've survived. Can I do it? Well, I'll need a job first.

My father also doesn't want me working. What father would not want his child earning money instead of getting an allowance from him? My father. My parents have given me a decent amount of dough to be spent on...dough. Food, I mean. It's "grocery money". That's fine with me. I can handle that. I just feel so horrible for accepting this money. They don't want me working because they'd rather I bring home As and an education rather than money. They want me to focus on school, school, school. And I want add "film", because I also want to work on student films and get paid in experience. But yeah...

The money thing worries me, and the future worries me, and my career path scares me. Why do I have to think about all this right now? Because I'm turning 20. I am no longer going to be a teen. I am going to be one year closer to being able to drink myself silly (don't worry that's not going to happen). I don't care for alcohol--too many calories. But I'll soon be an adult. An adult. I won't be under my parent's insurance plan, I won't be able to get away with paying the child's fare on the Muni, I won't be able to get away with a lot of things (not illegal things or anything like that). I'm going to go do someting so that I won't have to think about this anymore.

crazier than I thought

I am back in SF. It is sunny and breezy. My room window, which is nice and huge, faces west so I get the setting sun. I love my room, incidentally. It's too bad I'm only living here for two and a half months. I've unpacked and settled in nicely. I'm such a huge perfectionist, I didn't realize until last night. I was unpacking and arranging my stuff for 5+ hours last night and making the room look like I've been living there for the past year. I think I succeeded. Will take pictures.

The girl I'm renting from is really nice, S.H. She lives across the hall. She wasn't actually going to live here, but it turns out that the girl who usually stays in my room was leaving, so I'm really renting the other girl's room.

Biked to West Portal to get fresh fruits and vegetables from the best market in town. I got three giant apples, 4 tangerines, 1 huge mango, romaine lettuce, and 1 lb. of baby carrots for $5.86. Amazing. That'll last me at least a week. Almost got run over by some cars. Almost. It was really quite close, that I was freaked out. Thanks for watching out for me, God. I was super careful biking back home. I should take some sort of about biking on the road, or get a book on it or something. K., the crazy (ex)roommate, called me up and asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I went. She's pretty subdued now. We bought green tea smoothies.

I'm taking it really easy this weekend, because starting Monday things are going to get crazy. June is going to be extremely crazy. Firstly, there's summer school from June 5 to July 8:

1. Racism: Cross-Cultural Analysis. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9 to 11:45. I asked if I could take the mid-term early because it falls on the Cinegear Expo that I'm going to in LA. There's also a paper due when I get back. Ugh.

2. Greek and Roman Mythology. Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 1:00 p.m. Double ugh. That's a long class! Haven't received the syllabus yet, so who know's what's going to happen.

Here's the trump card though--P., from CC and friend of K., called me up and asked if I wanted to help him on his film. I said sure. I'm going to be a script supervisor. Here are the call times: 7 pm to 3 am. Isn't that insane?! His crew is going to kill him. Who would agree to shoot a film from 7 pm to 3 am? He knows that I like to sleep early, so he said I can leave whenever I want. I'm also not getting paid (student film, hello!). So, yeah, that's going to kill me. I think I'm going to 10 shoots. Ugh. Oh, well, at least I'm getting paid in experience. He's insane though. I would not do that to my crew.

As for my birthday, I don't have any real plans. The Cinegear Expo that I'm going to with my friends in CC takes place on that day. I'm hopefully going to get a ride from someone who's driving down. I am not looking forward to 20.

it's going to get nuts

Yeah, things are crazy right now. I need to pack for tomorrow--my plane leaves at 1 in the afternoon. I'm kind of sad that I'm not spending my summer at home. Ugh, summer school. I've got two classes: Racism and Cross-Cultural Analysis and Greek and Roman Mythology. I've got to get this stuff out of the way if I want to start my core film classes in the fall.

I've got a ton of things to pack: bedsheets, clothes, shoes, and my messenger bag. Dad brought up Mom's old Schwinn bicycle. It's really neat. I'm going to use it to get around. Got a new helmet, air pump, some tools. I'm getting into biking now. Fun stuff. Should start packing now...

My summer includes so much:
1. summer school
2. three weddings
3. Cinegear Expo (June 23-24)