Yay! Christmas (as in the season of materialism, consumerism, shopping malls, crowds) is over. Let's not forget the true meaning of Christmas. Linus, of the Peanuts, will help you:
"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born in the city of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men' ". That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." Amen.
And don't you forget it.
Christmas was alright this year. It's sad, but I really don't feel anything for Christmas. I think I wrote about this before...Christmas is just a break from school, and that's all it means to me, and I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do.
My cousin's husband was my secret santa. We had Thanksgiving at their house this year, and he's in the SWAT. He's tall, and, now, he kinda scares me. He gave me an iTunes gift card, which was on the wish list (all of the family put a couple of things they wanted on the wish list, and it was emailed to everyone). I opened it and was all happy and everything. He was all, "I'm glad you like it, and I hope you use it." Look at that second clause. He said some other stuff to me--he was pretty much grilling me!!! Using some police interrogation scare tactic to see if I was going to re-gift it! Why would I do that? I asked for it. That's the impression I got from him, and I'm not overreacting. I was so put off that it ruined the rest of the night for me. I can't believe this Christmas gift ruined Christmas for me. My cousin, the one he married, doesn't like me at all, and that doesn't help things either. She used to grill me about my weight when I was heavier, and now, she's really snotty to me. She's always been snotty to me, actually. And I was her secret santa. Unbelievable. I wanted to trade with my brother, but I didn't want him to question me about it.
I got her a gift card (which was on her list). She was all being sarcastic when I handed it to her, "I wonder what this is!" She didn't even open it, and she said, "Thanks." Why does me family hate me? This just adds to why I don't really care this holiday season.
Moving onwardly, I do this a lot in my other journal--the one that I write in. I go over the resolutions I made last year and reflect on whether or not I lived up to them this year. So here are last years resolutions with my reflections.
1. Get fit and healthy. Mission accomplished. I am probably at my most healthiest right now, excluding the time when I was a baby and was being fed that mushy vegetable stuff. I'm really happy with my appearance now, more than ever, and I know my immediate family is glad that I got healthier. My Dad is now inspired to walk every day around the neighborhood and to eat better. I've been pushing my parents to eat better as well because I just want them to be around for a long time. Keeping this lifestyle up is the hard part.
2. Be more environmentally conscious. Accomplished. This may sound disgusting, but I always scrutinize the trash in the kitchen to make sure that nothing in there is recyclable. And if there is something recyclable, well, you know where this is going...
3. Try to be more open to people. Uh...still working on that. But I think I'm getting better each year...
4. Be serious. About filmmaking, I mean. Again, not so much. I haven't even finished the Euro film, and I pretty much write more than I film because I don't have a camera of my own. This is something that needs working on.
Two out of four--that's okay, by my standards. Better than none out of four.
New resolutions:
1. Save money. For Paris. It's so important that I have enough money for my year abroad. This means, getting a job (slacker, I know), putting a percentage of my earnings in my savings account, and cutting back on buying things that I don't need. I already have a head start since I put all my money from my summer job into that account.
2. Be a better friend. I suck at being a friend. I forget to send birthday cards, I forget birthdays. I'm really, truly horrible.
3. Stop being such a lazy, slacker bum. Because I am.
That's all I can think of right now.
mardi, décembre 27, 2005
mercredi, décembre 21, 2005
Repeat the sounding joy
Finally finished decorating the house for our Christmas party yesterday. I know, it's pretty much tomorrow, and we'll probably pack up everything next week anyway. This is what happens when you volunteer to have the Christmas party for the whole fam--uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, neighbors, etc.. Yikes.
Registered for classes. Got into all of them except archery. Not cool. I'm going to crash it anyway and see if I can add it.
Saw Narnia today with Chauncey. It was good to hang out with someone you haven't seen in a while and catch up. Great film. We agreed that the guy who plays Mr. Tumnus is cute. Haha. Afterwards, we were walking, and we talked about Christmas. I told her that I never really felt Christmas. It's weird, but I haven't been feeling it for the past couple of years. I see the decorations, the happy kids, and it's nice and everything, but I feel as if there's something missing. I can't name it.
During the holidays, people (some, not all) are really extra-nice and polite. But once it's over, it's gone, done with. All that goodness is put away, along with all the Christmas decorations, and people are back to being their regular selves. It makes me sad. For some weird reason, I found myself repeating in my head, "Repeat the sounding joy" over and over again while in the car. Like a mantra. And it moved from my head to my lips. I was saying it out loud. Mom asked, "What'd you say?" And then my concentration breaks. I swear, I'm going nuts, slowly but surely.
I went next door to give a Christmas fruit basket to our neighbor. They're really good people. Their daughter went to school with my brother. Anyway, Mrs. L, the mom, opened the door. She was really thankful for the gift. She noticed that I was wearing a jade bracelet. It's a solid bracelet that I sort of writhe my hand into it to put it on. She marvelled at how beautiful it was, how it had slight imperfections and was very clear (it's green, actually, but the light shines through it I mean). She told me how the Chinese (their family is Chinese) believed that the jade reflects your health. Shiny and clear is good; opposite is bad. She was telling me all this history about it, about her own jade jewelry, and how blessed I was to have such a beautiful piece of jade. I always thought it was a pretty cool, but her telling me all this background about it made me appreciate it more. It was such a wonderful gift. And then she says, "You know, I don't tell my own children these stories..."
I felt like bursting into tears right there. They have two daughters, the youngest one is three years older than me, and the other is 26 (like my brother). She's standing there, against the front door in her slippers and all, and she tells me this right after I receive that gift. And the way she said it...it was like she was aching to tell someone these things, it was like she was telling me, "My own children don't want to hear these stories. My own children aren't interested in what I want to tell them." That brief impression lasted for like a second, but I still feel it.
Christmas depresses me, I think.
Registered for classes. Got into all of them except archery. Not cool. I'm going to crash it anyway and see if I can add it.
Saw Narnia today with Chauncey. It was good to hang out with someone you haven't seen in a while and catch up. Great film. We agreed that the guy who plays Mr. Tumnus is cute. Haha. Afterwards, we were walking, and we talked about Christmas. I told her that I never really felt Christmas. It's weird, but I haven't been feeling it for the past couple of years. I see the decorations, the happy kids, and it's nice and everything, but I feel as if there's something missing. I can't name it.
During the holidays, people (some, not all) are really extra-nice and polite. But once it's over, it's gone, done with. All that goodness is put away, along with all the Christmas decorations, and people are back to being their regular selves. It makes me sad. For some weird reason, I found myself repeating in my head, "Repeat the sounding joy" over and over again while in the car. Like a mantra. And it moved from my head to my lips. I was saying it out loud. Mom asked, "What'd you say?" And then my concentration breaks. I swear, I'm going nuts, slowly but surely.
I went next door to give a Christmas fruit basket to our neighbor. They're really good people. Their daughter went to school with my brother. Anyway, Mrs. L, the mom, opened the door. She was really thankful for the gift. She noticed that I was wearing a jade bracelet. It's a solid bracelet that I sort of writhe my hand into it to put it on. She marvelled at how beautiful it was, how it had slight imperfections and was very clear (it's green, actually, but the light shines through it I mean). She told me how the Chinese (their family is Chinese) believed that the jade reflects your health. Shiny and clear is good; opposite is bad. She was telling me all this history about it, about her own jade jewelry, and how blessed I was to have such a beautiful piece of jade. I always thought it was a pretty cool, but her telling me all this background about it made me appreciate it more. It was such a wonderful gift. And then she says, "You know, I don't tell my own children these stories..."
I felt like bursting into tears right there. They have two daughters, the youngest one is three years older than me, and the other is 26 (like my brother). She's standing there, against the front door in her slippers and all, and she tells me this right after I receive that gift. And the way she said it...it was like she was aching to tell someone these things, it was like she was telling me, "My own children don't want to hear these stories. My own children aren't interested in what I want to tell them." That brief impression lasted for like a second, but I still feel it.
Christmas depresses me, I think.
dimanche, décembre 18, 2005
crybaby
My aunt wanted to see "The Family Stone" (and I secretly wanted to too--2 words: Owen Wilson). Anyway, I didn't openly admit it, but said, when she asked if I'd take her, "Of course." I was expecting some sort of spin off "Meet the Parents", but I was totally wrong. It's a sad movie!
Not a huge fan of sad films, and most of it was not even that sad. But, I don't know--I am so weak!!! There's this one scene. Sarah Jessica Parker and Owen Wilson are lying in his bed (fully clothed), and they're watching the snow fall. He had his arm around her and asked her if she was comfortable and she said yes. It was nice, and such a pretty picture. I guess it really pulled at my heartstrings because tears started rolling down my face. And all I could think was, "Oh God, why am I crying, I'm not even sad!" And yet this flood of tears was coming down, and I couldn't stop. I wasn't sobbing or anything, it was just all these tears! I was embarrassed but glad that I was sitting in a dark theatre.
And then, I don't know why I think they're related but, I had a weird dream that night. I was in a toy store, and there were all these guys there. Just these random guys in my age range. And I was wearing this mask, and they kept wanting me to take off my mask. It was green and on the outside it looked like astro-turf (weird, I know). They were being really nice and all and just kept saying, "Please, Elaine, take off your mask. Give me your mask." And I kept shying away and saying no, I like my mask. This one guy, this one guy that stuck out of all of them, started hugging me and said, "Please, Elaine. Please." And I pushed him away, even though I didn't want to, and I didn't mean it, but I did, and I started crying, underneath the mask and all. And that was it. I guess I'm relating it because of the crying. Dreams are so weird.
I can see the whole meaning behind it, the masks we wear in front of people and all that, but...I'm not even going to go into it anymore. I'm just going insane.
I've been biking around my neighborhood a lot ever since I got here. It's nice alone time, and I haven't biked in years. I live on a hilly culdesac, but the main street that connects the neighborhood is pretty flat. Slight incline, but pretty easy to maneuver. None of my gears work, so the bike home, up the hill, makes me gasp. It's so pathetic. I thank God my neighbors aren't out when I bike up the hill, panting. I resolve to conquer the culdesac!
plans for this week:
1. meet with friends (see Narnia!)
2. Christmas shop (still!)
3. clean up the house a bit and decorate some more for the party
4. start on that other list I made of things to do over Christmas break
currently reading: 1984 by George Orwell. Still one of the most amazing books I have ever read in high school.
Not a huge fan of sad films, and most of it was not even that sad. But, I don't know--I am so weak!!! There's this one scene. Sarah Jessica Parker and Owen Wilson are lying in his bed (fully clothed), and they're watching the snow fall. He had his arm around her and asked her if she was comfortable and she said yes. It was nice, and such a pretty picture. I guess it really pulled at my heartstrings because tears started rolling down my face. And all I could think was, "Oh God, why am I crying, I'm not even sad!" And yet this flood of tears was coming down, and I couldn't stop. I wasn't sobbing or anything, it was just all these tears! I was embarrassed but glad that I was sitting in a dark theatre.
And then, I don't know why I think they're related but, I had a weird dream that night. I was in a toy store, and there were all these guys there. Just these random guys in my age range. And I was wearing this mask, and they kept wanting me to take off my mask. It was green and on the outside it looked like astro-turf (weird, I know). They were being really nice and all and just kept saying, "Please, Elaine, take off your mask. Give me your mask." And I kept shying away and saying no, I like my mask. This one guy, this one guy that stuck out of all of them, started hugging me and said, "Please, Elaine. Please." And I pushed him away, even though I didn't want to, and I didn't mean it, but I did, and I started crying, underneath the mask and all. And that was it. I guess I'm relating it because of the crying. Dreams are so weird.
I can see the whole meaning behind it, the masks we wear in front of people and all that, but...I'm not even going to go into it anymore. I'm just going insane.
I've been biking around my neighborhood a lot ever since I got here. It's nice alone time, and I haven't biked in years. I live on a hilly culdesac, but the main street that connects the neighborhood is pretty flat. Slight incline, but pretty easy to maneuver. None of my gears work, so the bike home, up the hill, makes me gasp. It's so pathetic. I thank God my neighbors aren't out when I bike up the hill, panting. I resolve to conquer the culdesac!
plans for this week:
1. meet with friends (see Narnia!)
2. Christmas shop (still!)
3. clean up the house a bit and decorate some more for the party
4. start on that other list I made of things to do over Christmas break
currently reading: 1984 by George Orwell. Still one of the most amazing books I have ever read in high school.
jeudi, décembre 15, 2005
simple pleasures
I woke up this morning in the bed that saw me through junior high, high school, and many, many trials of "I wonder how high I have to jump to touch the ceiling."
I thought to myself: "Home." I went downstairs, where Dad was already up. He was eating cereal and watching a documentary on sharks. I went to the living room and sat at the piano bench. I pressed the middle pedal to muffle the music, but my brother heard it anyway. "EEELLLLAAAIIINNEEE!" he moaned. I went upstairs to say hello to big brother.
While he laid in bed, he showed me the new ringtones on his phone, asked me how I was doing, and asked me what I wanted for Christmas. "You said you already got me my Christmas present," I said. "Oh, yeah, that's right." His awesome girlfriend does his shopping for him. He's so spoiled.
Dad is retired. He stays at home and fixes stuff. Today, it was my car. He dreams of driving to Alaska. I push him towards setting the date, going online to research the places he wants to visit, finding a travel agent. He said he'll wait until after they get back from Europe. Mom and Dad are going to Europe for this pilgrimage with our church. They aren't going to Israel or anything. Just to some holy places in France, Italy, and Spain. The priest who I think is boring is leading it.
Mom still works. She works for a county hospital. She works overtime. When she comes home, I know she's tired--an hour drive through traffic will do that to you. But she's still lovely and doesn't complain.
Kuya works his butt off. He takes 12 hour shifts and sleeps weird hours. Dad says he's become stingy because he's saving money for his new home, which he'll be moving into come summer.
I vegged out today. Just for today. I played some piano, and then I asked Dad if I could ride my bike. I'm still used to asking my parents for permission for everything. I hope that never leaves me. He said sure, and he put air in my tires. I felt like a kid again. I rode down the street--we live on a hilly culdesac. And then I went around the neighborhood.
When you're a kid, you have it so good. It's unbelievable how good it is. I'd like to think that I have it both--I'm childish and adult-ish. Who wants to be serious all the time? Not me.
I thought to myself: "Home." I went downstairs, where Dad was already up. He was eating cereal and watching a documentary on sharks. I went to the living room and sat at the piano bench. I pressed the middle pedal to muffle the music, but my brother heard it anyway. "EEELLLLAAAIIINNEEE!" he moaned. I went upstairs to say hello to big brother.
While he laid in bed, he showed me the new ringtones on his phone, asked me how I was doing, and asked me what I wanted for Christmas. "You said you already got me my Christmas present," I said. "Oh, yeah, that's right." His awesome girlfriend does his shopping for him. He's so spoiled.
Dad is retired. He stays at home and fixes stuff. Today, it was my car. He dreams of driving to Alaska. I push him towards setting the date, going online to research the places he wants to visit, finding a travel agent. He said he'll wait until after they get back from Europe. Mom and Dad are going to Europe for this pilgrimage with our church. They aren't going to Israel or anything. Just to some holy places in France, Italy, and Spain. The priest who I think is boring is leading it.
Mom still works. She works for a county hospital. She works overtime. When she comes home, I know she's tired--an hour drive through traffic will do that to you. But she's still lovely and doesn't complain.
Kuya works his butt off. He takes 12 hour shifts and sleeps weird hours. Dad says he's become stingy because he's saving money for his new home, which he'll be moving into come summer.
I vegged out today. Just for today. I played some piano, and then I asked Dad if I could ride my bike. I'm still used to asking my parents for permission for everything. I hope that never leaves me. He said sure, and he put air in my tires. I felt like a kid again. I rode down the street--we live on a hilly culdesac. And then I went around the neighborhood.
When you're a kid, you have it so good. It's unbelievable how good it is. I'd like to think that I have it both--I'm childish and adult-ish. Who wants to be serious all the time? Not me.
mardi, décembre 13, 2005
ny new obsession and so long, SF!
Okay, so they got this awesome new arcade game at the Student Center. Imagine DDR, but with...A DRUM SET. Hi-hat, bass pedal, and everything. It was so cool! But it costs $0.75. Boooo! I played it twice. Very fun. The instructions are in Japanese and some of the songs too. I told L., who played as well, "If I strike it rich, this is the first thing I'm going to buy." I can't wait to get back to school so I can rule at the drums. Maybe I should just spare myself the trouble and buy a set of drums. Haha.
I'm at the hotel with my Dad. Free-internet access! So I can dork out away from home too! Oh, wow, I just referred to my apartment in SF as "home". We're going to walk to In-N-Out later for dinner. Yum! It's cold out, but I'm in the mood for a strawberry milkshake.
I'm looking forward to being home (parents' house). There are so many things that I have to do, that must get done. I've realized how much I've been slacking this past semestre by only taking three classes. I know some people who take 18 units a semestre and work. I've been so easy on myself, and I really shouldn't. So, I'm stepping it up next semestre, loading up on classes, volunteering at my site, and finding a job on campus. Oh, man, I'll be so burnt out by summer.
things that I must do over break:
-read (at least 4 books)
-finish Euro film
-film films (L. and I have this music video idea)
-not spend an obscene amount of time on internet
-do Oasis (an online Library requirement for school)
-figure out what you're going to do this summer
-study French and do as many French things as I can
-meet-up with friends
backgrounds I've been mistaken for (for Chauncey):
-- mixed: Filipino-White, Chinese-White, Hispanic-White
-- full: Japanese, White, Hispanic, Portuguese, Hawaiian, French, and Persian
potential classes for next semestre:
1. French Review 1
2. French 216 (grammar and composition)
3. Intro to Cinema Studies
4. Intro to Filmmaking
5. Archery (so cool!)
6. Intro to Philosophy
I'm at the hotel with my Dad. Free-internet access! So I can dork out away from home too! Oh, wow, I just referred to my apartment in SF as "home". We're going to walk to In-N-Out later for dinner. Yum! It's cold out, but I'm in the mood for a strawberry milkshake.
I'm looking forward to being home (parents' house). There are so many things that I have to do, that must get done. I've realized how much I've been slacking this past semestre by only taking three classes. I know some people who take 18 units a semestre and work. I've been so easy on myself, and I really shouldn't. So, I'm stepping it up next semestre, loading up on classes, volunteering at my site, and finding a job on campus. Oh, man, I'll be so burnt out by summer.
things that I must do over break:
-read (at least 4 books)
-finish Euro film
-film films (L. and I have this music video idea)
-not spend an obscene amount of time on internet
-do Oasis (an online Library requirement for school)
-figure out what you're going to do this summer
-study French and do as many French things as I can
-meet-up with friends
backgrounds I've been mistaken for (for Chauncey):
-- mixed: Filipino-White, Chinese-White, Hispanic-White
-- full: Japanese, White, Hispanic, Portuguese, Hawaiian, French, and Persian
potential classes for next semestre:
1. French Review 1
2. French 216 (grammar and composition)
3. Intro to Cinema Studies
4. Intro to Filmmaking
5. Archery (so cool!)
6. Intro to Philosophy
vendredi, décembre 09, 2005
my last day
Yesterday was my last day at my volunteer agency. It was fitting. I helped the girls decorate their Christmas tree. I taught one of the girls, M., an easier version of "Fur Elise". We ate burgers and had cake. I gave them all some candy I had bought at See's. M. then showed me her room--the first time ever--and wanted me to watch this video she made for a health class. It was really good and hilarious. I'll never forget it. I was so happy that she let me in, that she wanted me to stay, to teach her more piano. She hugged me on the way out.
I think I'm going to go back. Go back and volunteer next semestre. How funny. I mean, 4 months ago I was dreading going to my volunteer agency, and now...It's different. I like helping out, being with the girls and playing piano with them. I've been so selfish and lazy. But now, I feel like I've made a difference in someone's life. It's just piano, but...I don't know the fact that it's music, and it's good just means everything to me. I got them interested in piano. That's so cool. Giving back is so rewarding. Thank you God for putting me through this. For this experience.
I just had my last French class. Madame asked us to bring some food or drinks to share for our last class, and I brought Orangina. T. gave me a little present, this mints tin that's shaped like a guitar. Whenever T. and D. and I had to practice for our French skits, he always brought these mints to share with us. I told him that I'd take it to France with me and take pics with it in front of the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower. I gave them presents too: one of those French word-a-day calendars and a mix cd I made with songs that remind me of winter or Christmas.
I'm so sad that I might not see them again--both of them weren't sure about continuing French. But I'm glad that I met them and had these classes with them. Good people. It's always nice to meet good people.
I don't think I ever wrote about him before, oh wait, yes, there's this guy in my French class, Th.. He sits with these other people across the room. Anyway, I wrote about him before a while back--I was studying and I looked up and saw him looking at me, and I kinda got weirded out. Anyway...two days ago, I saw him on my way to Borders. He didn't see me, but I saw him and he was riding his bike (those ones with the skinny wheels), and he was wearing this newsboy's cap and had his backpack on, and it was really cute. I mean, the sight of this guy on his skinny-wheeled bike made me so happy. Guys on those skinny-wheeled bikes are cute. They're abundant here in SF.
I was walking out, and I saw him unlocking his bike from this guard rail outside Humanities. I walked towards him and said, "Bye, Th." He looked up and said, "Oh, bye."
"Are you going to continue French next year?" I asked.
"Yeah, 205."
"Awesome, I'll see you there!" And I walked away.
Can you believe it? I spoke to this guy for the first time on our last day of classes. I walked away thinking, "Oh my God, I'm Supergirl." I was so happy. I mean, two years ago, I would have walked the other way and totally avoided him.
So, I'm filled with joy and happiness. Is it because it's Christmas? Is it because of this cold, winter air that fills my lungs, the Christmas lights, the carols, the gingerbread cookies? I went over my Christmas presents money limit. I've spent to date over $250 on my friends and family. And I still need to shop for my friends back home. I don't have a job. I don't even care. This season is all about giving, and if I have to eat pb&j for a while next semestre, then so be it. So be it.
I think I'm going to go back. Go back and volunteer next semestre. How funny. I mean, 4 months ago I was dreading going to my volunteer agency, and now...It's different. I like helping out, being with the girls and playing piano with them. I've been so selfish and lazy. But now, I feel like I've made a difference in someone's life. It's just piano, but...I don't know the fact that it's music, and it's good just means everything to me. I got them interested in piano. That's so cool. Giving back is so rewarding. Thank you God for putting me through this. For this experience.
I just had my last French class. Madame asked us to bring some food or drinks to share for our last class, and I brought Orangina. T. gave me a little present, this mints tin that's shaped like a guitar. Whenever T. and D. and I had to practice for our French skits, he always brought these mints to share with us. I told him that I'd take it to France with me and take pics with it in front of the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower. I gave them presents too: one of those French word-a-day calendars and a mix cd I made with songs that remind me of winter or Christmas.
I'm so sad that I might not see them again--both of them weren't sure about continuing French. But I'm glad that I met them and had these classes with them. Good people. It's always nice to meet good people.
I don't think I ever wrote about him before, oh wait, yes, there's this guy in my French class, Th.. He sits with these other people across the room. Anyway, I wrote about him before a while back--I was studying and I looked up and saw him looking at me, and I kinda got weirded out. Anyway...two days ago, I saw him on my way to Borders. He didn't see me, but I saw him and he was riding his bike (those ones with the skinny wheels), and he was wearing this newsboy's cap and had his backpack on, and it was really cute. I mean, the sight of this guy on his skinny-wheeled bike made me so happy. Guys on those skinny-wheeled bikes are cute. They're abundant here in SF.
I was walking out, and I saw him unlocking his bike from this guard rail outside Humanities. I walked towards him and said, "Bye, Th." He looked up and said, "Oh, bye."
"Are you going to continue French next year?" I asked.
"Yeah, 205."
"Awesome, I'll see you there!" And I walked away.
Can you believe it? I spoke to this guy for the first time on our last day of classes. I walked away thinking, "Oh my God, I'm Supergirl." I was so happy. I mean, two years ago, I would have walked the other way and totally avoided him.
So, I'm filled with joy and happiness. Is it because it's Christmas? Is it because of this cold, winter air that fills my lungs, the Christmas lights, the carols, the gingerbread cookies? I went over my Christmas presents money limit. I've spent to date over $250 on my friends and family. And I still need to shop for my friends back home. I don't have a job. I don't even care. This season is all about giving, and if I have to eat pb&j for a while next semestre, then so be it. So be it.
mardi, décembre 06, 2005
Guilt
I feel horrible for joining MySpace. I mean, it encompasses so many things that I detest and am fighting against. And yet it's just another easier way to be in touch with friends who are far away, know what they are doing, and be connected to them. Plus, they all use it.
It didn't use to be this way. I mean, we used to just email each other or IM each other. I'm not a fan of IM anymore because it allows me to have second-rate conversations. I mean, I can IM this person and do other stuff at the same time (like watch a trailer on Apple, type up a paper, shop on Amazon). That's not communicating, and that's not fair to the other person. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I like hearing people's voices and speaking to them face to face.
I'm torn. Being the old (as in fashioned, still) person that I am, I don't want to conform. And yet, I don't want to be left out while everyone I love continues without me, joining this site or doing whatever else has been concluded to be "in" and "easier". Easier in a sense that, we can be lazier and complete things with the least amount of effort. Can there be a healthy balance of both? Can I continue the old ways, fight for them, try to turn everyone back to what used to be done, what should still be done? Written letters, fountain pens, sealed wax, and conversations over tea and not over the internet?
Am I just as bad for having a blog? I don't think so, since it's original intent was to get my thoughts out there to friends, but mostly anyone with internet access who loves to read about weird, random experiences, moments with strangers, and just my life as a 19 year old girl who is trying (very hard) to live this life to the fullest. I want this to be meaningful, this blog I mean. I don't want to waste people's time. This blog has been meaningful to me, and I hope I haven't wasted your time this year.
And please, help me bring back the old ways.
For Narnia!
It didn't use to be this way. I mean, we used to just email each other or IM each other. I'm not a fan of IM anymore because it allows me to have second-rate conversations. I mean, I can IM this person and do other stuff at the same time (like watch a trailer on Apple, type up a paper, shop on Amazon). That's not communicating, and that's not fair to the other person. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I like hearing people's voices and speaking to them face to face.
I'm torn. Being the old (as in fashioned, still) person that I am, I don't want to conform. And yet, I don't want to be left out while everyone I love continues without me, joining this site or doing whatever else has been concluded to be "in" and "easier". Easier in a sense that, we can be lazier and complete things with the least amount of effort. Can there be a healthy balance of both? Can I continue the old ways, fight for them, try to turn everyone back to what used to be done, what should still be done? Written letters, fountain pens, sealed wax, and conversations over tea and not over the internet?
Am I just as bad for having a blog? I don't think so, since it's original intent was to get my thoughts out there to friends, but mostly anyone with internet access who loves to read about weird, random experiences, moments with strangers, and just my life as a 19 year old girl who is trying (very hard) to live this life to the fullest. I want this to be meaningful, this blog I mean. I don't want to waste people's time. This blog has been meaningful to me, and I hope I haven't wasted your time this year.
And please, help me bring back the old ways.
For Narnia!
lundi, décembre 05, 2005
Not cool.
Okay. So...I'm on MySpace. The truth is, I've been on MySpace for like two months. I'm so sorry, guys. Please forgive me. I've been lying to you all that time. I'm so bad. I only joined because I wanted to view Thrice's MySpace pics, and you had to have an account to view them. I made one and barely used it, but now I'm using it to keep in touch with my friends who are far, far away and fam. I totally foresee myself wasting an endless amount of time doing crap on that site. I really hope that won't be the case. Here's what I wrote in my blog there. http://www.myspace.com/gunslingergirl3. Ugh.
Titled: my last blog...forever!
Kidding. Okay, so I caved in. I gave up. I've decided to make this thing public and ask my friends to be my friends again just by clicking a button. E-mails are out; MySpace is in.
I'll try not to make this thing a nasty habit (i.e. being here all the time). I just want to be easily accessible to my friends, as if e-mails aren't easy enough. Oh well.
For Narnia!
So there. Please leave me nasty comments on how you hate me, and how I'm such a hypocrite, and the like. I totally deserve it.
Titled: my last blog...forever!
Kidding. Okay, so I caved in. I gave up. I've decided to make this thing public and ask my friends to be my friends again just by clicking a button. E-mails are out; MySpace is in.
I'll try not to make this thing a nasty habit (i.e. being here all the time). I just want to be easily accessible to my friends, as if e-mails aren't easy enough. Oh well.
For Narnia!
So there. Please leave me nasty comments on how you hate me, and how I'm such a hypocrite, and the like. I totally deserve it.
dimanche, décembre 04, 2005
Christmas is all around
It's such a nice feeling to walk around a public place, like a mall, for example, and to see all the Christmas decorations, and people shopping for presents, and kids waiting in line to sit on Santa.
Went to the mall after Mass (obvious) to get a present for my brother. I don't think I'll write what I bought him because he told me he visits my blog. Was at the food court with L., and we saw this cute guy standing by a pillar and dabbing his pizza with a napkin. You know, to get the grease off. We both laughed, not within earshot of him. It was just a cute, funny thing to see. We also laughed for different reasons. L. laughed because of the dabbing. I laughed because he was standing by that pillar and not sitting down like the rest of the people eating at the food court. I also laughed because he also had this bowl of roasted potatoes with him. Pizza and potatoes. Guys are hilarious. They are so weird. Like, why won't they heat up their leftovers? Whenever my brother eats leftovers, he eats them straight out of the fridge. Sick. I'll never understand.
Anyway, I should get back to working on my final papers and stuff. Ugh.
Christmas wish list:
1. peace on Earth (maybe not this year...sigh)
2. anything Thrice (a cool vinyl of "The Artist in the Ambulance" maybe? I wonder if they still have those.)
3. anything French: travel books, The Harry Potter books in French...
4. assorted dvds and cds
Went to the mall after Mass (obvious) to get a present for my brother. I don't think I'll write what I bought him because he told me he visits my blog. Was at the food court with L., and we saw this cute guy standing by a pillar and dabbing his pizza with a napkin. You know, to get the grease off. We both laughed, not within earshot of him. It was just a cute, funny thing to see. We also laughed for different reasons. L. laughed because of the dabbing. I laughed because he was standing by that pillar and not sitting down like the rest of the people eating at the food court. I also laughed because he also had this bowl of roasted potatoes with him. Pizza and potatoes. Guys are hilarious. They are so weird. Like, why won't they heat up their leftovers? Whenever my brother eats leftovers, he eats them straight out of the fridge. Sick. I'll never understand.
Anyway, I should get back to working on my final papers and stuff. Ugh.
Christmas wish list:
1. peace on Earth (maybe not this year...sigh)
2. anything Thrice (a cool vinyl of "The Artist in the Ambulance" maybe? I wonder if they still have those.)
3. anything French: travel books, The Harry Potter books in French...
4. assorted dvds and cds
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