Thanks God

I saw the boy with glasses yesterday. It had been a while since I last saw him. I remember always walking to some class and searching for his face among the crowds of students. Yesterday morning, I walk to critical thinking class, and there he was. Just like when I saw him for the first time. I wasn't even looking for him. I mean, I sort of stopped looking because when I looked I never saw him. But there he was, right when I wasn't looking.

I felt like a dork because I had my Riley hat on. And it's so weird because I'm almost always wearing the same thing whenever I see him: a green skirt and black converses and some shirt and jacket. And he's always wearing dickies, red converses, and a black sweatshirt. I'll never look at red converses the same way again. When I was at the airport I saw a guy wearing a pair of red cons, and I immediately thought of the boy. But, I digress.

I was filled with joy and happiness all day. My friend even told me she saw him at the Humanities building, and that made me happy. We were eating dinner at the dining hall, and I saw the boy with glasses and his two friends walk in. I thought, "This is unbelievable!" They sat in the room we were sitting in, right next to us, but there's this sort of wall between--I'm horrible at descriptions. Sorry. Anyway, we had to leave. That was a nice, brief moment though. Unfortunately there was a wall between us. Literally and figuratively. Sigh.

Christmas sometimes makes me depressed. I'm going to come clean right now--on the Saturday night of Thanksgiving weekend, I cried like I've never cried before. It was unbelievable how hard I cried. I was at the mall with my parents, and the mall was all decked out and everything for the holidays. I was shopping for a coat, and I didn't have any luck. Being at the mall just got to me. Seeing the Christmas decorations and everywhere I turned there was some girl, my age, with some guy, my age. And it made me feel alone. More alone than ever. We drove home, I walked into my room, fell on my knees, and started to cry. And for that moment, I felt so sure that if "this shyness thing" didn't go away, I would die alone...I can get so weird sometimes. Stuff like that happens to me. I go home, coatless, and I'm a puddle of tears. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent again.

Well, I still haven't finished my paper! It's okay though. I'm not really stressing anymore. I mean, it's just work, right? It's just a grade, and grades are just letters and numbers. They don't really mean anything. What matters is what I learned, right? I guess I'm just rationalizing.

I hope none of you are alone on Christmas. Take care.