cinema TAs are hot

All the teacher assistants (TAs) in my film class are so cute!!! One is V.: he does the role call and completely butchered my last name, but that's okay. Another is A., who didn't speak at all. I think he's the cutest because he reminds me of Mark Ruffalo. The last one is S.. He showed some of his short films to us last night and answered our questions. He gave really good advice about being a filmmaker and what it takes. All of which I heard before, but it's nice hearing it again.

After class, I went to ask him a question personally. He was really nice and helpful. But I probably came off as a ditzy girl who doesn't know anything. Why did I do that, God? I came off as shy and innocent and uninformed about anything that has to do with filmmaking when in fact I know a pretty decent amount. Why did I make myself seem so...unintelligent? I always see girls pretending to be stupid in front of guys, and it makes me cringe to see it happen, and here I am doing it myself. I'm better than that. Ugh. I hate myself now for doing that. Wish I could re-do that moment all over again so I can make myself look better and we can look at each other like equals.

In karate, I had such a hard time doing the upper block. It's just so awkward! Thank God Sensei came over to me and helped me with the motions. I've been practicing before I go to sleep now and when I take the stairs to my apartment. Whenever I do it, all I can think about is "wax on, wax off."

Couldn't sleep last night. Before I fall asleep, I always think about some story ideas for a film. Lately, I've been thinking about my treatment for film class. We will be developing one story idea this semestre for this class. It'll include a treatment and a still photo essay. I'm really excited about my idea because it's feasible to do and doesn't involve a lot of tricky stuff. No car crashes or frogs falling from the sky. I hope to make it happen.

I don't think I can volunteer this semestre, which sucks, but oh well, that's what happens. I have to focus on French and Cinema--I have to get As. And FR 216 is so hard! Ugh. Okay, stop complaining. I can do this, I can do this. God sends me signs all the time that this is the way to go, that this is my path. Signs that even I can't ignore.

to do this weekend:
1. celebrate L.'s 20th birthday
2. clean
3. study, study, study
4. try to get an hour to edit film
5. Mass
6. hit the market for: pasta, bread.