Bohemoth Man

Just so that you know. This is him. The one with the red arrow pointed at him. I like how you can't see his face.

Help me get over him. I want to believe that I will never see him again. I know I said in the post below that I want to cross paths with him in the future. But I've changed my mind. I hope that he will never remember me. I don't know why I want this. Maybe it's because nothing will ever develop between us. So it would be better if I just forget and if he forgets. That all this has been a lovely dream to which I have awaken. It's so painful finding a really cool, amazing guy and finding that he's already found his girl. Wake up, Elaine. Wake up.

Mr. R--Bohemoth Man

Where I left off: Mr. R. offers me a bagel. It's as simple as that. He asks if I want a bagel, and I'm head over heels. This bohemoth of a man who looks like he can crush me with a simple high-five has found the way into my heart. He offered me coffee too, and I explained that I didn't drink coffee to which he said, "WHAT?!?!"

After our little breakfast break, we got to work. I followed Mr. R like a lost puppy dog. Hope he didn't think that was weird. I just wanted to be available and helpful. I was grabbing stuff for him, holding the camera for him, just little stuff. He was getting really sweaty from holding the camera and filming in a small office with all the lighting equipment on in there that he asked me to get him a paper towel to wipe off his sweat. He curled his sweaty paper towel into a ball and was looking around for a trash can. Without saying anything, I held out my hand. "Thanks," he said and put it in my hand. Then I laughed and said, "Ew." He laughed too and so did the actor that heard me and saw this.

As time progressed, I took over B.'s job because he was acting in the film too. I did the slate and filled out the camera report which is a record of how long each take was, the lens and f-stop that was used and other stuff. Between set-ups, Mr. R would tell me how making a film is all about teamwork and being organized on a set. I quickly understood. The production manager and director weren't too organized. At times, we didn't know what shot we were setting up for.

S.M. borrowed my flashlight for when we were setting up, and then gave it back to me broken. I said, "S.! You broke my flashlight!" But he was too busy being a DP, so Mr. R. said, "Hey, let me see it." He was standing right next to me, holding the camera. I held the camera for him as he tinkered with it. "It's the washer--do you want my flashlight?" God, these simple little offerings of bagels and coffee and flashlights. No, I said, it's your flashlight, you're going to need it. He looked back at my flashlight and continued tinkering with it. He fixed it a minute later.

The day went on like this: setting-up, getting our shot, then moving on. It was exciting and fun and I got to spend most of my time with the most awesome camera crew and Mr. R., notably. He has a girlfriend though. I was wearing a Bench brand jacket--not a brand that's found in the U.S. He was all, "What's Bench?" I explained that it's a brand in the U.K. "Where were you in England?" I was at Cambridge. "Hmmm. My girlfriend probably knows that brand. She visited England."

And that was it. He has a girlfriend, like all lovely boys I meet. Mike from flight to LAX had a fiancee (Mike), and now this one has a girlfriend. Typical. He's funny, passionate, and amazing. Of course, he has a girlfriend. I wonder now if he was paying attention to my reaction to hearing that he has a girlfriend. I think I played it cool, didn't look like my heart was shattering into a million pieces. I was holding the camera when he told me about his girlfriend. He was holding a clothespin--the grips (people who work with lighting)--use them. He took the clothespin and, without saying anything, attached it to my sleeve, right near my underarm, and walked away to do something important. I could have melted right there.

At the end of the shoot, the crew and I were in the office, in the dark, taking the film out of the camera and back into its cartridge. Standing next to me, Mr. R. thanked me for all my hard work, and then, he put his left arm around my left shoulder, and we side-hugged. Thank God it was dark in that room, or else he would have seen me blush. It was nice and unexpected. God, I love hugs from cute boys.

I did a gutsy thing before he left: I asked for his email address. Just in case I had questions in the future about my film shoots. He gave it to me, no problem, and his cell phone number.

I am slowly, but surely, coming out of my shell, and not compromising anything that I have ever stood for. I am learning so much. I am meeting nice boys. I am "networking"--but I hate having to use that word. I am making friends. Thank you God for S.M.--who suggested that I work with the camera crew in the first place, and for Mr. R., who treated me with respect, taught me so much, and made me laugh on numerous occassions. I hope we cross paths again in the future.

thank you for waiting so patiently...

Dad and I just finished the laborious task of moving my crap from one place to the other. We are resting now--well, I'm typing, and Dad's watching a basketball game. We ate too much at a lovely Chinese restaurant.

Now, for the moment you have all been waiting for...My first real film shoot.

L. and I woke up on Sunday at five in the morning. I wore a plain fitted tee. Girly enough to show that "yes, I am a girl", yet tough enough to show that I mean business, and that I will be a productive PA (production assistant) and not care about what I wear. That and New Balance running shoes (PAs do a lot of running), and baggy, navy Dickies. I wanted to mean business. I wanted to show that I was there because I wanted to PA and be around a film crew.

L. was already familiar with most of the crew as she went to her first shoot on Thursday. I couldn't go because I had a class. L. was working in the sound crew--she was a boom operator on Thursday. Booms are the long poles that have mics on them. Our friend from CC, R.H. (a new addition to the character's list!), drove us.

The shoot was in Dublin on location at a comic book store. We were shooting there all day. Awesome location. Walls stacked high with action figures. Aisles of comic books. S.M., the DP, and Scarf had slept inside the store to guard the lighting equipment. Call time was 7. We got there, stood in awe inside the store, and waited.

I was nervous. L. already had her role: sound recordist. All I knew was that I was going to be a PA, which meant doing errands for everyone. The camera crew came, the production manager, the director, and the grips.

S.M. came up to me and R.H. and asked which one of us wants to work with the camera crew. We both said nothing. He waited. Then I said, "Well, I don't really know anything about cameras" thinking that maybe he'd put R.H. with the camera crew. S.M. said, "Then you should work with the camera crew." He took me over to them.

There were three guys:
1. Mr. R.: camera operator. 21 yrs. old. A bohemoth of a man. Tall, burly, bearded. Has curly hair sticking out of his beanie. Holds and operates the camera. Very attractive.
2. W.: first AC (assistant camera). Tall, quiet, and skinny. Wore a Wu-Tang t-shirt. Helps the camera operator. Changes the magazines (holds the film) and loads the camera.
3. B.: 2nd AC. Older. 40s or 50s. Keeps the camera report and does slate.

"Guys, this is Elaine. She'll be assisting you." They were in the middle of discussing something important, it seemed. They looked down at me. Me, a petite girl wearing a barrette in her hair. They introduced themselves. Mr. R. talked to me mostly, explaining all of their roles, the equipment they were using. I thought that they were going to just boss me around and not take the time to explain things to me. But Mr. R. was really cool. I think he sensed that I was eager to learn and that I didn't want to be left out.

The camera crew was ready, but they still needed people to light the scene. We went outside near the crafts service (where the food for the crew is) table. Mr. R. wanted coffee, and there wasn't any. I followed him.

Before I write more, I must let you know...The second that Mr. R. and I first locked eyes I knew--I can't let them down. I can't be "the girl" that helps them. Moreover, I can't be a girl. I must be an assistant first, a girl second. The second I do something stereotypical of girl behavior, then I'm done. It's over. They will not take me seriously.

The hardest thing was...I was totally attracted to Mr. R. He's passionate about filmmaking, tall, cute, hilarious (as you will see later). And he didn't treat me like a girl. He treated me like the assistant that they needed, that I had to be. I was standing with the crew. They were helping themselves to bagels and cream cheese. I had eaten breakfast and wasn't hungry. Mr. R. turns to me and says, "You want a bagel?"

A guy offers me a bagel, and I'm in love. I'm so pathetic.


TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Sorry to do this to you guys, but moving boxes is tiring, and I don't want to give you a half-assed written account. So, keep checking here, this will be finished.

must study for finals

Hello my friends.

Oh my gosh, the shoot was awesome!!! I can't write about it now--I've got a paper to work on. Just wanted to let you know that I won't write here for a couple of days, which kills me, because I want to share my experience with you. But I need to focus on finals like a good student.

Here are just some teasers for you:

1. I was a part of the camera crew and worked really closely with the awesome camera operator.
2. I learned so many valuable things on set and from others and from myself.
3. I had the best time of my life, and I'm still glowing about the experience.

Have a great week everyone!

miss popular

I am popular! I am sought out! People want to hang out with me! Me!

Okay, I'm not that popular, but my social calendar is filled.

Tonight: Collective C. is having a movie night at his place after Film Finals. Film Finals is a screening of student's films. Mostly Collective people are going to be there.

Saturday: P. (who I met through my flatmate, K.) wants me to hang out with him. He sent me a message through facebook saying that he only sees me when we're doing Collective stuff and that he wants to hang out with me outside of that. He's an awesome guy, very sweet and funny. It's just going to be me with him, and I'm kind of nervous since I haven't really hung out with just one guy before, so we'll see what happens. He has a girlfriend--don't worry, nothing's going to happen! Haha. We're going to get lunch and then wander around the Haight. Then, he's coming over at night to watch "The Abyss" with me and L.

Sunday: Volunteered to be a PA (production assistant) on a shoot for S.M.. He's the DP (director of photography). Call time is at 7:00 in the morning! Yikes! At least I have a ride this time to the shoot.

Incidentally, I'm done with classes. I've got four finals next week, one on each day starting on Tuesday. Not too worried. I have one paper that I'm going to start today that's due on Tuesday. Only two pages. Nothing to freak out over.

it's just a dream

I had the most wonderful dream, and Slate was in it. I abandoned the idea of liking him because I didn't think he liked me at all, so, I really don't know what this means. It's just a dream, I mean, just because he played a role in it doesn't mean I like him still. Well...

I was home in so cal, and I was sitting in this loveseat with him in my front yard. You know, like a couch that only sits two people. It was really cramped, but somehow comfortable. My brother was standing beside me. He joked, "So are you boyfriend and girlfriend?" I laughed and said no. Kuya then went inside the house. Then Slate put his arm around me, and then I moved closer to him and put my head on his shoulder. It was very nice, and it felt right.

He then had to leave. He got in this RV. I was waving bye to him from the front yard, then he told me to come over, he had something for me. I went into the RV and he scrunched up this piece of cloth in my hand and then said bye. He drove away. I looked in my hand. There was a message written in the cloth. And it wasn't just one cloth, it was actually several pieces of cloth sewn into a large piece of cloth. I couldn't make out the message. He drove down the street. And I woke up.

I think my subconscious wants me to believe that I want a boyfriend, when I really don't. I really don't want a boyfriend. I am content with the friendships that I am making right now, especially with the people in the Collective who are, incidentally, mostly boys.

Oh, one more thing, the reason Slate was in my dream was because he was in cinema class yesterday. I got to show my film for extra credit, and a lot of people in the class watching it laughed. That was the best. Slate wanted to show his film, but he didn't volunteer beforehand, and there wasn't enough time. I said hi to him, that was it. I always get this feeling like he doesn't want to converse with me.

good times had by all

You will be proud of me--I did not drink. Technically. Let me explain...S.M. (the president of the Collective) was drinking a beer that he said was horrible. He asked me to try it just so that I know how horrible it is. So, I took a sip. That's it. I agreed. It was disgusting. That's all I had for the night. That and water, since we did a toast at the end of the party.

They had Guitar Hero out--that video game where you play the guitar. Scarf brought his drum set, Slate brought some amps and his guitar. They played live music. They were amazing! Scarf kept asking if anyone wanted to sing along, and everyone would look at each other shyly and not say anything. B. then started singing to the songs that they played--he was so crazy! He'd play around with the mic and dance.

L. and I made seven layer dip which everyone loved. There were also brownies and more chips and beer. C. brought breadsticks from his work.

I got to talk to Scooter (formerly called L., but there are too many L.s!). I'm calling him Scooter since he won the scooter that was raffled off by the Collective. He was the director of photography for B.'s film that I played a part in. Anyway, he's a really nice guy and very funny. I asked him if he did his application for 310. He got all serious and said, "What?". You know, the application to get into 310, isn't it due this week? "Uh, I'll be right back." He went over to Scarf who was playing the drums. He came back to me and said, "The application is for 620. Don't scare me like that!!!" I laughed and said I'm sorry, and then I did something that I've never really done before...

When I said that I was sorry, I touched his arm with my hand, sort of like a pat. I touched his arm in the area between his elbow and shoulder, the bicep, right? It was sort of just a reaction because I really was sorry. Anyway...he has some muscle there! We talked some more about our summer plans. I told him that L. was working on a script and asked if he'd help DP or be a part of the crew, and he said he would, so that's cool.

L.V. got so smashed, it was awful. I felt really bad for her. She's skinny and has a small frame. And she's underage!!! She only had 3 beers and a daiquiri. She went outside and was puking. Gross. I never want to be that drunk. I mean, it just ruins everything.

Scarf sat down next to me after playing for a while. We talked a bit. I could tell that he was a little sad about graduating and going to LA. L. took a pic of me with him and S.M.--he's leaving too. We did our little toast and left a little before midnight--it was a school night!

C. organized another get together this Friday, this time it's a movie night. L. and I are going. It's going to be fun. Yay for friends and not drinking alcohol!

party tomorrow

Collective party tomorrow. Am very excited. Will not drink alcohol. Maybe. Am not sure yet. Received Kuya's blessing when it comes to parties though. He said that he drank his first year in college, and that it was okay with him if I drink just as long as I am careful and not alone. We will see, we will see. I don't want to be a stick in the mud, and then again I don't like putting tons of chemicals down the hatch. I also don't like the idea of me giving in. What a dilemma!

Scarf sent me a message through facebook.com. C. took pics at our last shoot, and I commented on one of the pics that I was sad that it was our last shoot. Scarf saw my comment and me sent me a message saying that there will be more shoots in the future. I then commented on his profile that I was sad that he's graduating. He sent me a message too that he's sad that he's graduating. He's so lovely. I've learned so much from him. He asked if I was going to the party, and I said I wouldn't miss it. I'm also bringing seven layer dip. Yum.

My list of characters in my life is up now. So, if you've ever been confused between Collective C. and French C., then please go visit to find the distinction. I also want to apologize for such confusing nicknames and abbreviations. Below are some Collective pics:

Me at the camera.

Me with C. at the camera. Slate can be seen in the background! He's wearing a brown hooded sweatshirt.

the last collective

We had our last meeting on Monday. I was uber-sad. Scarf is graduating. Slate might be leaving. Scarf seemed kind of sad that it was our last meeting. It was in the way he talked and the way he looked at everyone. He was taking it all in, savoring his last Collective meeting with us.

We were doing an outdoor shoot today. Slate was on his way with the equipment. It was a scene from "Sunset Boulevard". Scarf was asking us what duties we wanted. He said that he wanted a girl to direct this shoot. He looked at me. I had this feeling that he wanted me to direct in the way he looked at me. Or I could be over-analyzing, reading into looks too much. Maybe that's what I wanted to see in his eyes. I hesitated, and before I could say anything, V. volunteered. I missed my chance. Stupid Prufrock.

I volunteered for 2nd assistant camera. I pretty much help out the camera operator and first assistant camera. We went to the location: the outdoor entrance of the Humanities building. L. wanted to be the director of photography. She was with the director checking out where to put the camera and figuring out the actor's blocking. Slate came with the equipment and we set up the dolly tracks and lights.

We were setting up and shooting for 5 hours. We got so cold that we'd wrap ourselves in the sound blankets--used for isolating sounds. It was excellent. I never felt so happy, so involved. We'd joke around between takes and set-ups. We'd talk and take pictures. Unfortunately, Scarf hardly said anything to me other than how to properly store a C-stand. I wondered if he was mad at me. Slate barely talked to me either. He would just tell me what to do and why I had to do it this way and so forth. I don't think he likes me much. That's okay. I think I've lost interest in him too.

After we loaded up the equipment van, we took a group picture. This is how things end. This is what happens. People come in and out of your life so quickly. Time goes by so fast. I don't want this to end. It only started less than three months ago! And the bulk of my posts have been about the Collective or about film. Thank you, God, for these past amazing weeks. I am so grateful for the friends I've made and the new experience and lessons that you've taught me, further proof that this is the path for me and that I can't turn back now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

give us a break!

People have been asking me, are you working on any new projects? Have you got an idea for another film? When are you going to be filming again?

I'm totally flattered by all these questions. I mean, all these questions mean that I've piqued people's interests. That they liked something about our film. But making a film is a lot of work and planning. I mean we shot for a total of eight hours, and we edited for a total of, I'm guessing, 12. All for a 6 minute film. We had no idea what we were getting into, and we were really tired by the end of it all.

We need a break. Or, at least, I need a break. L.'s thinking of some new ideas; I just want to rest my head. I can't wait to film again, I really can't, but a break is nice, and I want to film something more meaningful and something that's not a music video. It was fun, but I want to focus more on dialogue and the composition of shots rather than the editing.

I'm sick, incidentally. Again. I feel like I've been getting sick more often. Kuya came this weekend--his girlfriend, Kat, just graduated. Fun times. After the graduation, we went to the Wharf and ate at the Boudin factory. So good.

no school today!

Yup, that's right. No school. Awesome. Today's advising day. I pretty much have everything in order, so I didn't get advising. I did, however, work on a shoot.

B. (another guy from Collective and the after-party) was making a film and needed extras. L. and I went. We snuck into an empty classroom to film. His friend, L. (also from CC and the same guy that set up the video game at B's house for the party), was his DP (director of photography). The whole story is about these students who are so bored in their class. L. and I were playing two students. L. had to go, and B. gave me a huge part. I get so bored during class that I kill myself with a shotgun--I know, I know, it's very violent, but it's supposed to be funny. We had fake blood and a prop shotgun.

It was really fun to act. I never thought I'd like acting so much. B. said I was good and that I brought a whole new side to the story. He wanted me to take off my shoe and use my toe to pull the trigger. At first I was a little hesitant because I didn't want a close-up of my foot, but they ensured that they weren't going to do a close-up. I took off my shoe slowly and thoughtfully, then my sock, and then I got out the gun. I did it in a sort of ceremonial kind of fashion. It kind of reminded me of when someone commits seppuko (Japanese suicide). Everything is a sort of ritual. B. liked my takes. We did some shots of C. (another Collective guy, very funny). He's the main character who reacts to my suicide.

Good times. B. bought pizza afterwards. It was a lot of fun, and I got to talk more to the Collective guys. Really cool people. I hope to work on more of their films if they need me.

Also, I'm making a list of all the people who are currently playing a role in my life or who have been mentioned in this blog. I think it'll help people navigate around all the fake names and abbreviated ones. It's still under construction, but I'm sure it'll be fully done within the month.

embarrassing

Another test in filmmaking class today. Slate was there. He walked in and sat three rows, exactly in front of me. There were people between us. He turns around. Like the dork that I am, I smile and wave to him. I went against everything that has made me a Prufrock, all those voices in my head telling me not to go on a limb, not to be spontaneous, not to grab life by the horns and bite the bullet.

Nothing.

I shrank in my seat. "God, did anyone see that? That was so embarrassing!" Did he see me? Maybe he didn't see me, that's why he didn't wave. Anyway, I felt like a huge dork. I imagined God laughing so hard. "Very funny, God. You knew that would happen." Anyway, my life is God's Comedy Central channel.

Anyway, after the test I left class to go to the bathroom. I was outside in the hallway eating pretzels. This guy from Collective, R., comes up to me and asks me how I did on the test. We talked for a bit and then he had to go. I asked him his name again because I wasn't sure, and he confirmed it and asked me mine. We shook hands. Cool guy.

Went back to class for lecture. One of the cool TAs, S., showed a film he directed and wrote. It was amazing. A short film about a Muslim mother who lives in America. She hasn't heard from her son, who's fighting in Iraq, and meanwhile she's being harrassed by teens in her neighborhood. It was well done. He gave a talk about being a director and working with actors. It was very informative and inspiring. It was funny because some of the things he was saying really connected with what I learned when I made "New Noise". He was really funny too.

After class, I asked him questions about his crew. He was really informative and gave me even more great advice about finding people to work on my film. I thanked him. Thank you God for helpful TAs.

I spoke to him!

Finally! Went to CC (cinema collective), and we were working in the foley studio--that's doing sounds in a studio to accompany the images on screen. It was so much fun!!! We split up into two groups: the foley artists who do the actual sound in the studio and the recordist who is in the booth working with the computers. I chose to be a foley artist.

Remember when I was too shy to talk to Slate in class? Well, now I had to talk to him. He was supervising the foley artists in the studio and working with the mics. I was the second to last person to do their sound. The scene is a guy falling through a rabbit hole and he lands on a wooden floor that's covered with leaves. I had to do the landing. We set up the mics, but they were still doing some stuff on the computer in the booth, so we had some down time. He said to me, "Sorry, I forgot your name again. I'm bad with names..." I told him my name. He was sitting on the floor against the wall. I was crouching on the wood floor. I plucked the courage...

Me: So...are you in my 202 class? I thought I saw you but I wasn't sure...
S.: Yeah, actually I drop in sometimes. I missed the exemption test, and I need the units anyway...
Me: Yeah...'cuz I thought, you really don't belong in that class...

YAY! Finally. I initiated a conversation with a boy. Yes! I am so happy right now, I'm glowing. Anyway, I was doing the sound for the fall and Slate kept watching me. I would jump on the hard wood, hit my hands on the wood, then let my knees hit the wood. It was nerve-racking, but kind of cool. Scarf was in the editing booth, and he and the sound mixer would talk to me and give me direction. I would talk into the mic to speak to them. Scarf said that I had a really nice voice and that he wants me to read a story to him later. I laughed and said okay. We did some takes, and I jumped some more, and that was pretty much it. It was fun. I got over that "awkward phase" where you just meet a person for the first time. Well, actually, all moments with strangers and people I hardly know are awkward.

It was an awesome day. B.--the guy who hosted the after-party--is filming a short film, and L. and I are going to be extras. He's really cool and funny, so that will be fun. Yay for making films and doing foley!