groceries

Went out with L. to West Portal to go buy my cheese and crackers. I ended up buying more than I should have!!! That rarely happens to me. I've got to curb that before it becomes a habit though. The market we go to on West Portal is called Eezy Freezy. Haha, I love saying that. It's a nice, small market that sells the usual stuff and organic stuff too. The man at the cashier was really nice. Here's what I bought (I love lists!!):

1. my cheese--I chose a Jalapeno Jack because it's nice and spicy.
2. Reduced fat Wheat Thins
3. Twinings Chamomile tea bags (box of 20 and caffeine free)
4. Horizon Organic Chocolate milk boxes (pack of 3)--so good!!!
5. Smints - peach flavor

I didn't mean to buy the tea and chocolate milk. Chocolate milk just sounded so good at the moment. I had a really good cup of chamomile two weeks ago, and I knew I'd crave it again so I got it when I saw it on the shelf. Mmm. I love food.

cheese

I've been having the strangest craving for cheese--weird. Specifically Monterey Jack cheese. Monterey Jack on a cracker. Nice. Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping.

I've been doing homework all day. Mostly reading. I've got a French exam and an anthropology exam this coming week. Yikes. I'm volunteering this coming Saturday for the MAP (Medieval Association of the Pacific) conference that's occurring on my campus. I told my brother about it, and he made fun of me. He's all, "Like Medieval Times? Medieval Times for professors?". Haha, very funny. I actually have no idea what they do. I'm excited to volunteer though. I haven't been volunteering for a while. Plus, I'll be getting paid--$10 an hour for 3 hours, and I get free lunch. Sweet.

Just finished watching "Resevoir Dogs". Bloody hell, is it bloody. Tim Roth was amazing though. He was brilliant. Harvey Keitel as well. Guys in suits are always a plus. Nice glasses too.

I saw him yesterday

Do I need to say who? No, you already know who I am talking about.

I was walking to the library to pick up a book. He was sitting outside the Creative Arts building wearing black pants, a shirt, and red Vans slip-ons, a backpack was on his back. His hair seemed shorter (a haircut?). I wore a green skirt, black shirt, navy cardigan, and Doc Martens--my "Amelie" outfit, I like to call it, because the skirt and Docs make me feel like her. I was without a backpack--probably the only person without one. I like walking without a backpack; it's so freeing. We locked eyes for two seconds. That's it.

I felt nothing toward him. Nothing. The magic in seeing this perfect stranger had faded. I wanted to feel something, anything. But the feelings, the moments I once had in his presence--they're just words now, words that fill this journal and the journal in my bookcase. They were beautiful moments, and not a month will go by without me thinking about them.

It's over now. I know now that he's okay. I prayed for it. Thank you God for the closure. I walked back the same way, and he was talking with a girl that sat next to him. He's okay. Thank you, God, he's okay.

"All my life my heart has sought a thing I cannot name." -- a poem

Hunter S. Thompson, dead at 67

Two days ago, Hunter S. Thompson commited suicide in his home. I have never read any of his books. I had planned to read "Fear and Loathing is Las Vegas" during my summer vacation, but, seeing that my local library did not carry it (conspiracy?), I had chosen "The Secret Garden" instead.

I have always found him an interesting character. I first saw him on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien". He told Conan that he made the shoes he was wearing. Conan remarked that they were clearly Nikes. He seemed to me to be a hilarious, unstable guy.

I'm going to go pick up the book today right after my French club meeting.

i was bored and look what i found

Was checking out random blogs and found a girl's blog that has a link to this quiz. I'm the girl next door. Typical.

"You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry. Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love. But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it! You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life."

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz

So take the quiz, my friends who are girls.

Just got back from a lovely day of shopping. Bought a cute scarf to wear a la Audrey Hepburn style. I've already got big black sunglasses. Ate a delightful lunch with L. at the Cheesecake factory on top of the Macy's at Union Square. Both of us got cheesecake afterwards, naturally.

It was raining, but it was nice and beautiful. Everyone had their umbrellas out. Little kids were wearing their slickers and boots. I brought my pocket umbrella, and L. bought herself one. Kept passing cute, nice looking guys. One was wearing a suit, one was wearing a button-down shirt, another was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Very lovely.

all smiles

I can't stop smiling today or laughing out loud to myself. It's unbelievable. I was sitting in French class, and this girl with red Converses walks in, and I immediately started smiling. I felt that it was a sign that the boy with glasses is okay, wherever he is. I don't know why I do this, but ever since I've stopped seeing him, I pray to God every night that he's okay. Now I know.

I went to the health center to go get my hepatitus B dose 3 shot and found out that they changed the hours for their immunization clinic. I'll have to get my shot tomorrow. The girl at the desk probably thought I was weird because I kept on smiling and holding in my laughter. Afterwards, I went to the lounge in my building, and, seeing that no one was there, started playing the piano. I haven't played the piano since Christmas vacation. This guy, like an adult, kinda sneaks up on me while I'm playing saying that he loves the piano. I couldn't help smiling as this guy tells me how he loves the piano and now he's taking classes but wishes he started earlier. He was really nice and friendly. He left after we talked for like 10 minutes.

I love days like these. It's gloomy outside, but there's still a lot to smile and laugh about. Have a nice day.

it's that time of year...

...when I am at my most cynical and sarcastic: Valentine's day. I'm just kidding. In all seriousness though, this day really is for lovers. Couples. Little kids. What about all those lonely people out there? There's so many of them. Think about it.

I won't write anymore on this subject. It just makes me too sad. Happy Valentine's day to all.

birthdays are wonderful

Yesterday was my friend's (aka my roommate L.) birthday. She turned 19. My friend and I had this little plan to surprise her. My friend (Chauncey) took a bus from Santa Barbara and arrived here yesterday morning. I told L. that my brother's girlfriend was picking me up to go pick up my brother at the airport. But really, my brother and his girlfriend picked me up to go pick up Chauncey. Haha. We had her so fooled. She had no idea. She was so surprised that she screamed when she saw Chauncey standing outside our door.

My brother took us all out to breakfast and then dropped us back at out place. Then the three of us went to Pier 39. We were blessed with such a beautiful day. The sun was shining and everything. It was so nice that we just walked from Pier 1 to Pier 39. The cable cars were full anyway.

We watched a street performer juggle all these crazy things, and we looked around the shops and took pictures. It was a nice time. We ate dinner at Hard Rock Cafe. I blurted to the waiter that it was my friend's birthday, and he brought her ice cream and announced it to everyone. He was really nice. Afterwards, we all got waffle cones at this ice cream stand.

So it was a wonderful time. Before, L. was depressed because she didn't want to turn 19. Now, she was really happy to be 19 and surrounded by friends.

old fashioned stuff

I am so so so happy. The other day, I fixed my fountain pen that I bought in London at the National Gallery. It wasn't working a while ago, and I thought, "Oh, great. Another typical souvenir that won't even work anymore." I bought all these ink cartridges for the pen, too. So, I had put it away and forgot about it. Then on Wednesday, I was really bored at my desk, and I saw my poor fountain pen in my pen cubby. I took it out and started researching fountain pens on the internet, thinking that maybe I can find info on how to fix it. I don't know why I didn't think of that before.

I got info on cleaning fountain pens, and I started cleaning it and putting it back together (it actually fell apart after I cleaned it), and now it works!! I was so happy. I'm still happy. I'm so glad it works. It's funny how a fountain pen can make me happy.

Now that I know how to take care of it, I researched the company that makes the ink cartridges for it and found that they sell their ink here in the states--I thought that it would be just a European company that sold their stuff in Europe. The company, J. Herbin, has been making ink and sealing wax and quills since 1670!!! The kings in France would use their ink. That's so amazing.

I'm really into old-fashioned stuff like that. Sealing wax is so cool! I think I might buy some if I ever come across it. I'd love to get a letter that's been sealed with sealing wax.

Had my last meal of meat yesterday. I bought some take-out from Panda Express (orange chicken with steamed vegetables over white rice). It was good. If I was at home, I would probably had steak or something better, but you can't have it all. I ate my take-out in my room alone while watching "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" with director's commentary. I know--how sad and depressing is that. Although, "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" is a hilarious movie, and the commentary is quite enjoyable and informative.

It felt nice walking from church today. My roommate and I woke up early and got our ashes. It was cold out, but nice because we were walking, you know, constantly moving. So it was cold, but I was warm inside. And I loved the feeling in my cheeks. They were kinda cold, and I knew that they were pink and rosy because of the coldness. I love how that happens.

There's this guy in my speech class that I think is cute, and he looks really nice. So, in the beginning I thought that this would be cool, because maybe I can get to know him. Today, I was walking out of speech class, and he and his friend (who's a girl) were in front of me. I noticed that they started holding hands, and then I realized that they were a couple.

I was overcome by a strange feeling or maybe I was devoid of any feeling. I wasn't upset or anything, my heart wasn't broken or anything. It was just like, "Oh. He has someone...That's nice."

giving up (in a good way)

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, and I've already decided what I'm going to give up for Lent. I gave up meat last year, so I'm going to give up meat again. I'm going to limit my spending as well. I'm pretty sure that when I walk around the campus tomorrow people will be staring at my head and wondering why I have a black smudge on it.

I feel as if I've got nothing great to write about. Nothing beautiful has inspired me yet, and that's very sad because I'm usually easily inspired. I've felt this for weeks. I'd really like to snap out of it, hope that this is just a phase or something. Please, God, let this just be a phase. Inspire me.

in the ipod: "cells" by the servant (from the "Sin City" trailer) and "counting bodies like sheep to the rhythmn of the war drums" by a perfect circle (from the "Fantastic Four" trailer)--both of these movies look really awesome, especially "Sin City".

alas, it is not meant to be...

It's been a week since I arrived, and he's nowhere in sight.

Remember the boy with glasses? How could I ever forget him...the countless posts I wrote about him (16 I think, including this one), the seconds we shared in each other's presence, the harmonious music of Amelie playing in my ears as I saw him chatting on his cell that one afternoon (Oct. 29), the one smile I gave to him that night with the shining leaves (Dec. 8), and the glasses and the red Chucks. I'll never forget the glasses and the red Chucks. They will always be a symbol of that one guy I never knew but had the chance to know. I'll never know if he's nice, if he likes movies, what he likes to eat, if he's got brothers, sisters, a dog at home...etc.

Let this be a lesson to all of you (and a grave lesson for me)--don't waste your time with your fears. Don't let it consume you as it has consumed me. If I did something, said hello to him or anything--anything, and if he shrugged me off, it would be his loss. Not mine.

But it's over now. It's gone. "I let my love go," Earl Partridge once said. But I feel as if the universe keep revealing him to me. Sometimes I see a guy that looks just like him, but isn't him. I see the hair, but not the glasses. The glasses, but not the hair. Bright red Vans slip-ons, but not the Chucks. You get the idea. God and the universe keep teasing me!! I'm just going to let God and fate do their work, stop looking for him, and get on with my pathetic, lonely existence. For all I know, he probably moved or left for another school, or is in a coma (God forbid). But I just hope he's okay. I really do.

Farewell, boy with glasses. I never knew thee.

speech

I had to speak in front of the whole class for speech today. It just wasn't me--everyone was being called up, but still it was scary. We had to tell people our names, what qualities we like about ourselves, and what we want people to know about us. So, I got called up, and as soon as I started speaking, it felt like an out of body experience, and my voice wasn't my own. Even L., who takes this class with me, said I sounded different, but that it was okay. It felt weird though. She said some people laughed when I told people that I "have a weird sense of humor that some people don't get"--that was one of the qualities that I like about myself. Hahaha.

Oh. My. Gosh. You just have to hear the soundtrack to "Les Choristes". Amazing. I just got it today because I couldn't go one more day without hearing their singing. So beautiful. And I was so grateful to find the lyrics and their English translations in the booklet. I'll be listening to the cd non-stop, no doubt.

it's been "eh" so far

My classes aren't that great. I hate how crowded it can get. It's extremely crowded in my speech class, and the room gets really hot. This other class I have is just so boring that you could die. I have to keep telling myself: "just one more semestre here, just one more." My parents asked if I wanted to leave and got to school close to home, and I considered it, but I'd feel really bad leaving my friend. I'm pretty sure I had a hand in influencing her to go here. I remember asking her if her choosing to go here was her own conscious decision, and she said yes, but I still feel as if I influenced her.

French is my favorite class. I was sitting in French today, and I realized how much I would like to work in France for film companies like the ones that made Amelie or Les Choristes. I want to live in France for a maybe a year or so. That would be amazing.

I'm really anxious to get the soundtrack for "Les Choristes". I haven't seen the film yet, but I saw the trailer, and it looks really amazing. I just got goosebumps when I heard Jean-Baptiste Maunier's voice. So angelic. And he's so cute!!! For a young boy, I mean. He's like 14..haha.

my favorite sounds (other than music):
1. laughter (the genuine kind and children's laughter)
2. wind blowing through leaves
3. any word in the French language
4. just hearing people speak in different languages
5. the sound my spoon makes when I crack creme brulee (Amelie!!)