I am worried.

I am approaching 20 soon, soon. Very soon. What worries me are these main things:

1. I don't have a job.
2. I'll be in school for a while.
3. I have chosen a difficult, unstable career path that I am in love with, but scares me.
4. I don't have a job.

As a result of not having a job, my life, my clutter, is monastic at best. I am learning to buy what I need, sell back what I don't (some clothes no longer fit me--losing weight comes with monastic living), scrimp, save, and get the best with what I have.

I applied to a couple of places before summer let out, and no one has called me back. That's okay. That's okay. This month is hectic, as I wrote before. How could I possibly work, go to summer school, and work on a film? I have never done that before. But others have, and they've survived. Can I do it? Well, I'll need a job first.

My father also doesn't want me working. What father would not want his child earning money instead of getting an allowance from him? My father. My parents have given me a decent amount of dough to be spent on...dough. Food, I mean. It's "grocery money". That's fine with me. I can handle that. I just feel so horrible for accepting this money. They don't want me working because they'd rather I bring home As and an education rather than money. They want me to focus on school, school, school. And I want add "film", because I also want to work on student films and get paid in experience. But yeah...

The money thing worries me, and the future worries me, and my career path scares me. Why do I have to think about all this right now? Because I'm turning 20. I am no longer going to be a teen. I am going to be one year closer to being able to drink myself silly (don't worry that's not going to happen). I don't care for alcohol--too many calories. But I'll soon be an adult. An adult. I won't be under my parent's insurance plan, I won't be able to get away with paying the child's fare on the Muni, I won't be able to get away with a lot of things (not illegal things or anything like that). I'm going to go do someting so that I won't have to think about this anymore.