still nothing

13:08. This is fucking ridiculous. Excuse my profanity.

I am restless. My eyelids are weird and puffy and won't fold properly when they are open. Do you ever get that? You know that you didn't get much sleep or didn't sleep well enough when your eyes do that. And now, I look tired. I am tired.

Yesterday, it was my right eye that was messed up. I got up that morning, and I felt it, without looking in the mirror. Damn, no sleep last night. I went to the mirror to confirm. Affirmative. No sleep. The eyelid thing also happens when you had a good cry the night before. I wasn't crying last night or the night before that. I was just worried about the shoot.

If I'm ever going.

I curled my eyelashes, to look more awake, something that I usually reserve for special occasions or days like these when I need to look awake. Awake.

Called the production manager too many times, in my opinion. Left two messages. Still no call back. He said he would be able to give me a ride. I must know for sure. I hate waiting around, not being sure, waiting till last minute. I guess with me, on certain things, everything has to be "just so". I am halfway to being a perfectionist.

This will be the last time I will call him. This isn't fair and right and respectful. Is it because my cell phone area code is from Los Angeles and yet I'm living in San Fran? Who knows. Maybe he has some sort of secret vendetta against Los Angeles and its people. Here I go. 13:16.

Nothing. No answer. Didn't leave a message this time. Say something, please, dear readers. I see the numbers on my counter go up. Write something to me, anything. Something nice, something mean, bein angry with me or sympathize with me, just anything. It would make me feel better to know that you're reading this.