my first half-kiss

Wow. Wow. Wow. A lovely encounter with the perfect stranger.

I had a cinema studies exam today, and I was on the way to that class. My friend is always there early, and she saves a seat for me on her right. I sit in the middle of the row. It's actually the same room as my other film class that I wrote about--see the post on dorks, just scroll down.
I enter the class from the back. I can see the back of D.'s head (that's her), my seat on her right, and then next to that seat, some blonde guy. So, my seat was in the middle of D. and this stranger. I felt awkward about going to that seat because I didn't want to squeeze myself through the row: it's a tight row, and I didn't want to even bother.

I go to that row and sit two seats away from him. D. sees me and waves me over, moving the backpack that she used to save my seat. "Excuse me", I say, tip-toeing over his feet. I do a little turn, and I sit down. This is so uncomfortable, I think. Why does this guy have to sit here? Of all places?

A couple more minutes till class starts. I get out my notebook and text and start to study. He's studying too. He has blond hair that's kind of long. Not so long that it's gross, but maybe it'll be a month or two before it starts to look grungy. He has facial hair--not too bad either. Just a little goatee/beard thing going on. It sounds gross, but I don't know how to make it sound any nicer. See Keanu Reeves in the trailer for "A Scanner Darkly". He has that kind of hair and facial hair. He wears a striped button-down shirt and jeans.

I've seen him before. He sat in this row before, I remember. I also see him in the gym when I'm on my way to karate class. I remember! I remember! I was leaving the locker room with my gi on, and I was tightening my belt, and he was walking toward me with a bunch of other people, and he was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, like he just got finished working out, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and we made eye contact for a few seconds, and I wondered where I knew him from. That's him. That's him. The same guy. The cute gym guy.

Without moving my head, I peer at what he's reading. It's a test, one that was already done and corrected. He had today's test in his hands. Probably got it from a friend. What a cheater! I look back at the text, looking for the difference between depth of field and deep focus.

He turns to me, his arm leaning on the arm rest, "Hey, do you know who was the first to make a film?" I look down at his test--the person who had done it had left it blank. I dunno, I'll look it up. I turn to the chapter on the history of film.

I lean close to read the text carefully. He leans close as well. Too close. Our cheeks were less than an inch apart. It's like when you go in to kiss somebody--I wouldn't know how this actually feels because I've never kissed somebody before--but I'm writing this as if I did know. I mean, I can imagine what a kiss must be like. Anyway, it was like he was going in to kiss me, but he stopped mid-way. I kept still, I didn't want to look offended (I wasn't) or show that I was uncomfortable (I was).

We are both looking for the answer. Where is it? God, does my breath smell? Can he feel my breath? I can feel his. Or is this my breath I am feeling?Why is my heart beating out of my damn chest? It's okay, I'm wearing my ugly, baggy sweatshirt so he can't see it. God, why am I wearing my ugly, baggy sweatshirt on this day of all days? This is so weird and new and...nice. Thank you God for this new experience. I am not actually looking for the answer anymore, my eyes are out of focus. This closeness makes my mind race. I imagine this classroom empty, the room dark, a film being projected on the screen. We move in in closer, closer, closer...

"I think this is it," he points to a name. He is still close. He backs away now and settles into his seat. "Thanks," he says. "Do you want to take a look at this?" He motions to the corrected test. I say no thanks--integrity, people! He leans over to D. and hands the test back to a girl that sits at D.'s left. I forgot her name, but she sits by D., and the three of us usually sit in that row together. It's not his test! I forgive him.

Class starts. We take the test. After that, we all file out to turn it in. He gets to the front of the class before we do. As I am in line to turn my paper in, I catch him near the door, looking at me. I turn mine in, ready to leave, but he is gone. No trace of him in the hallway. So long, stranger. I ask D. if she knows him and she says no. Does that other girl know him? "No. He just sat by us."

There were so many moments before we started the test where I wanted to ask him his name, whether his major was cinema, whether he studied a lot for this test. Wait, actually, he asked me if I studied and I said not that much. I should have asked him a question after that! I mean, I should have actually conversed with him instead of him asking all the questions and me pretending to study when all I could do was think about whether or not I should ask him something. That would have been fair. But no, I'm shy and paralyzed and guys in mid-air kiss that's not supposed to be a kiss will do that to me. So this guy, this stranger, is my first half-kiss. Haha.

I am so lame.