one week down, 16 more to go...

"There must be fusion of mind and body." Yup...Uh, so how it is possible? I learned a very valuable lesson this week--not to push myself so far that I end up hurting myself. Me getting sick was my body telling me to take it slow. I was blinded by vanity, pushing myself, keeping only in mind how I will look once the weddings are here (my cousin's and my friend's sister's--they're in the summer) and forgot the real reason why I want to get in shape. This is why I am sick. I only thought about my outer appearance and failed to take care of what really counts--the insides. My mind and body have to work together. Hence the quote. And from Stephen Chow (Shaolin Soccer), no less.

This has been the slowest week ever. Probably because it's the first week back. I have tons of reading (cinema) and tons of French homework. I was able to add into that French class that's going to be really hard for me this semestre. I felt so out of place there, so behind. So I have to study even harder just to be up to speed in that class because everyone else is ahead of me. I'm up to the challenge; I know I can do it.

For Cinema, I have to get a B or higher in Cinema Studies and Filmmaking in order to continue with a major in Cinema. Knowing me, I want to get an A in both classes. Oh yeah, the cute guy from my CS (that's going to be my abbreviation for cinema studies from now on) is also in my Film (filmmaking) class. Alas, he did not sit near me this time. At least I get to see him twice a week!

I like the Film professor. He's not an actual teacher here, he's really a filmmaker and has been living in France for the past 10 years. When he said that, a light went on in my head. I took this as a sign from God letting me know that this is the right direction. How could I ignore this? I can't. He went on to give us a spiel to discourage us from being filmmakers: "It's just a life of pain. And when it's good, it's brief." I wrote down what he said in my notebook and reflected over it for a while.

I knew that this would come. That he would say something like that. I remember even on career day in high school when I asked this woman, a film producer, how to get into film. She pointed her finger right at me in front of the class and said, "Don't get into film." I felt ostracized as everyone in the class knew my dream and witnessed it being trampled on by this woman. It does not deter me. I can't just come this far and turn back now. I go on, for those who believe in me, and for those who don't. And there's a good amount of people who don't, who expect me to change my major, who expect me to fail. Yes, I have French to fall back on, but at least I tried. At least I will never have to think, "I wonder what would have happened if I majored in Cinema, if I tried to become a filmmaker" as I head to my cubicle. Ugh. Cubicle.

Anyway, the Film prof seemed really happy to see girls in his class. 75% of the class is male. When he called out role, he'd smile as he said some girl's name and run through the guys' names quickly. I was a little shaky until he came to my name, "F------, Elaine." "HERE!" I said loudly and clearly. He looked up to see my face. "Where does this strong, clear and determined female voice come from?" I imagined him to think. I chose this seat right in the middle of the auditorium, for my movie-viewing pleasure. A couple guys turned around to see who I was. "Yes," I thought, "Take a good look. For I am your competition."