This was supposed to be a good weekend. I mean, I was supposed to have fun with my cousins. Nope, that didn't happen. Mom called me the morning of the day I was supposed to have fun and ruined it with the yelling and the disappointment in me. I expected that, I did. And I didn't want to let it ruin things, but it did put a damper on my day. It was a nice day, all sunny and everything, but I just felt clouds everywhere.
The only thing that made it worse, that really turned the knife, was that my brother repeated everything that had already been said on the drive back to my apartment. He really didn't have to do that. I mean, I got it the first time. It was late, and we had to drive back to our cousin's house, back over the bridge with its $3 toll, just so he can get his computer bag that he forgot there. On the drive back, I kept thinking, wishing I could be somewhere else, alone, so I can let out a good cry and then move on. Move on, and fix things.
It was one mistake. Something that won't ever happen again. Why can't I make mistakes?
Anyway...had dinner with L., my brother, R., and V.. R. and V. are my brother's friends. R. is the one who had that Christmas party, and V. was her boyfriend, the chocolate dare guy. Anyway, it was nice and awkward, but a good time. Despite the chocolate thing, I like V. He's a good guy, and he's witty and intelligent. I envy R. so much because she has such a great boyfriend.
We were getting up to leave, and V. had taken off his jacket and tie when we sat down to dinner--he just got off work. He asked me if I could hold his jacket while he puts his tie back on. I held out my hand, and his hand, the one that was holding the jacket, brushed up on my hand while he put his jacket in my hand. It was innocent and such a little thing, but it just gave me shivers. It was like that moment in the Pride and Prejudice trailer where Mr. Darcy helps Elizabeth into the carriage by holding her hand. It's just so commonplace and ordinary, and yet it meant so much, you know?
I don't have a crush on him or anything, it's just stuff like that always gets to me. The little things. They have so much meaning.
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1 commentaire:
i can't help but be weighed down by other people!!! i have to get over that.
i really do hope i get a "break" but i might have to do some volunteering to make up for that stupid one unit. volunteering sounds pretty cool, but i just don't want to have to commute! oh well, you can't have it all.
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