one step toward not being a Prufrock

Yesterday, I was with my French group, D. and T, and we were practicing our causerie (oral skit). They've been my French class friends since last semestre. After practice, D. mentions that he has an extra ticket to the My Chemical Romance concert this sunday and was wondering if either of us wanted to go.

I would have said no even if I had nothing to do and even if I loved their music. But I didn't. I said yes.

I said yes! I said yes! This is not normal Elaine or Prufrock behavior. I'm not too fond of being in the middle of large crowds of people. But I said yes because...I really wanted this. I want to be there, and I want to hear their music in person. Even if that means having to be in the middle of a large crowd of people.

I told Kuya and thought he would be really excited for me, but the weirdest thing was that he wasn't. He kept telling me to be careful and all that big brother talk. He just sounded like he didn't want me to go. Which is funny because I remember him telling me to have fun during college and not be such a study hermit. After, I was thinking of bowing out, making up an excuse for D. so I could not go. And that's when I started crying.

It was just instantaneous, a severe reaction to the thought of excusing myself from this activity. I cried so hard that a tiny capillary in the skin beneath my eye had burst. It's a bit red, but not that noticeable. I kept repeating in my head, "Life paralyzes me. Life paralyzes me." I worry too much. I never take chances. I'm not living to my full potential. I'm not alive.

I calmed down. Remembered all those things I wanted to do before things get macabre and realized, this is one of those things. If I drop dead next week (God forbid), then as least I got to see My Chemical Romance perform. This is something I have to experience.

I'll let you know how it goes and take some pictures hopefully.