spirits raised

I accept my fate. Whatever happens to me was destined to happen, by God and His unseen forces that control this universe. I've always felt that God was always guiding me, seeing me through things, and He'll see me through this. I believe He will. God, be with me this semestre.

Okay, sorry, just had to get that out. I'm still afraid about my volunteer work, but I know that I have to do this, that there is something I must learn from this or else I wouldn't be in this situation.

Mom sent me a card. The gesture almost brought me close to tears, but L. was with me when I got the mail, and so I didn't pull out the hanky. She sent me my rebate money ($20..score!) for when I bought my external hard drive over the summer. She asked how my classes are and told me to study every day. Mom is always looking out for me. She said that Dad had sold my car to my cousin. I loved that car--very symbolic of my high school days. I didn't even get to take a picture with it. It's a '77 black Mercedes S-class convertible. I had a Paul Frank license plate cover, and Dad forgot to take it off. I'm sad about it, but there are just some things that you have to let go. She said she couldn't wait to see me in November for Dad's birthday. I can't wait. The thought of seeing my family, even though it's just for a weekend, makes me so happy right now.

I can't believe how much I miss my parents right about now. It's probably because of this fall semestre. At one point I thought about transferring to Cal State Northridge. They're supposed to have a good film program there too. I'd be closer to the fam, but not too close. Plus, it's near the LA film industry, so my transition from college to work force might not be as hard as moving from San Fran to LA. I'd have to start over again though. Make new friends (even though I only have a handful here), leave the really good friends I have behind. That's the hardest. I just don't know. Kuya tells me "to finish what I started". If he could make the San Fran to LA transition, then I know I can make it too.

I made a list of things I have to do before I die. I mean, to be less macabre, it's critical for me to do these things or else I would not be living to my full potential. All these things are do-able, it's just that I, the ultimate Prufrock, have to do it. There's the rub...

1. study abroad in France for a full academic year: I feel that it is my destiny to go there, by myself, to study and live in Paris. There's something waiting for me there, I can feel it. I'll do a whole post on it some time and tell you about all the signs I've been receiving from God.
2. go backpacking throughout Europe with friends: This is something my high school friends and I are planning. It has to happen, and it will.
3. smash a wall down with a sledgehammer: just because.
4. meet Thrice: my favorite band. I've had like 5 opportunites to go up to them and talk to them, and I've thrown them all away like the Prufrock I am. So the next time I see them, I have to do it.
5. learn how to swing dance
6. write and direct a film: HAS to happen.
7. see Yann Tiersen perform live
8. try to play an accordion
9. publish one of my journals or a memoir
10. go to a ball wearing a ballroom gown: They have these balls in Prague, I think, where anyone can just go.
11. learn how to ballroom dance

Hey readers, what are some things that you want to do before...things get macabre?