I had two wisdom teeth on the bottom part of my masticatory apparatus (nice, huh?) removed yesterday. What an ordeal. They injected an anaestethic into my gums and the sides of my mouth, which pinched and made me flinch, but what the hell, I won't feel any of the surgical pain, right? They took x-rays and waited for the numbing to take place.
They started with the right one, the one the dentist said would be easiest. My heart races as I try to recount this. She gave me something to bite on while she put pressure on the tooth. The pressure was too much. I started to stress out. My hands gripped the chair. My legs would move slightly, involuntarily in response to the pressure. All I could think about was how they gave Jesus something to bite on while they beat him, or nailed him on the cross, sometimes I forget. Think of something else, Elaine. This isn't the right time. The pressure and discomfort continued. "Don't stress out, Elaine", the dentist said. "It'll only make it worse."
I started to cry. Not the sobbing kind. I've always hated that kind of crying, thinking it was unbeautiful, for the weak, something I'd resort to for funerals. No, this was the beautiful kind, the Oscar-worthy kind. Tears streamed down the sides of my face in single file. I pretended to be an actor. Anyone who needed to cry for a heartbreaking scene.
I was a soldier dying in the arms of my best friend amidst gunshots, tanks moving, buildings crumbling. I was Juliet. I was a woman who just saw her lover, the man who she thought was her soulmate, kissing a taller, more attractive female.
They asked if I was okay. I nodded and continued acting. Because of the tears though, my nose was getting stuffy, making it hard to breathe. It was hard enough breathing through the mouth, so I was breathing nasally before the whole Oscar thing. Pull through, Elaine. Pull through. It's only wisdom teeth.
I watched the sucking tube picking up bits of flesh (gums), blood, and saliva, and I closed my eyes. You are all crazy. How can you walk into this carnage, and fix me? How can you deal with this? What do you feel after dealing with this? At one point there were like 5 tools in my mouth, all doing their job. Sucking, probing, cutting, putting pressure, and other jobs. A ball of fiery stress and tension from biting on that biting thing formed in my jaw and moved down and settled in my neck. Oh God, I thought. I might have an aneurysm.
I thought about "Lost", about the scene where Kate had been separated from Jack and Charlie after they were running from the monster. She was alone, screaming Jack's name, and nothing. He told her beforehand that his trick with dealing with fear was to let it in, count to 5, and just deal with it. So she counted to 5. I did it too. 1...2...3...4...5... I can't do this, I'm going to die in this chair from the pain, I'm going to die from an aneurysm, and I'm wearing my yellow Yellowcard shirt, how can I die like this? 1...2...3...4...5...I'm going to die, and I've never even been kissed before, how absurd, and I'll only be 18, unbelievable. 1...2...3...4...5...The fiery ball died. I killed it. Stabbed it 5 times. Hooray for me! I'm not going to die a virgin!
At the slightest pinch of pain, I winced. That was when she'd inject me more of the numbing stuff. I let her do it, even when it didn't hurt. I didn't care. It was insurance. They worked on the second one, the hardest, because the tooth was growing sideways. I was better this time. The tears still came, but not as much.
It was all over. They sewed me back up, and I was to return in a week to get the sutures removed. I looked in the mirror and saw that my face had gained like ten pounds. It was the swelling.
It was hell to eat. I think I lost a pound today. Mom took care of me yesterday, thank God. I felt like a baby, an invalid, an old person. The pain in my face was horrendous. As if the pain that I didn't feel because I was numb during the ordeal came back to punch me a few times in the face. I thought a lot, about what this had taught me, showed me. There was worth in this pain.
I firmly resolved that I wasn't going to get cancer, or live in a home when I got old. I wasn't going to have a triple by-pass, like my Dad, or a colonoscopy, like my Mom and Grandma. Things are going to be different. There will only be great news coming from my doctor. This life, this chance, to be in this world--I'm not going to throw it away. I'm not going to ruin it. There's so much more to see, do, discover, learn. I'm not going to let sickness or anything for that matter stand in my way. I have to take care of myself if I want to live better. And I want to live better. So I can make a difference in this world. Change hearts, minds. Encourage people to read books, travel, help others, see all that is cinematic and beautiful in this world because there is so much that is both cinematic and beautiful.
An hour of pressure and discomfort, and look what's happened to me.
4 commentaires:
I had my wisdom teeth out last year (one at a time tho, with a few months in between). The problem that I had was that my dentist wasn't able to do it - I was referred to a dental surgeon, who happened to be a very good friend from church, and a very funny woman. It was uncomfortable and painful, and I was swollen up for a fortnight after each (something to do with my ME lowering my immune system means I take ages to heal). But the hardest part of the surgery was trying desperatly not to laugh at Lois and her usual craziness of questions and comments.
Oh, I've got to have my upper ones out later this year! Oh joy!
a fortnight! that's horrible. at least you're comfortable with the person who did it. i'm not very close with my dentist.
good luck with your uppers. i have to have mine taking out later too.
thanks so much for caring about me. i don't know why they didn't put me too sleep actually. it sucks that i had to go through with that. in hindsight though, without that pain i would not have written one of my favorite posts. yes, totally oscar-worthy.
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