It's been a week since I arrived, and he's nowhere in sight.
Remember the boy with glasses? How could I ever forget him...the countless posts I wrote about him (16 I think, including this one), the seconds we shared in each other's presence, the harmonious music of Amelie playing in my ears as I saw him chatting on his cell that one afternoon (Oct. 29), the one smile I gave to him that night with the shining leaves (Dec. 8), and the glasses and the red Chucks. I'll never forget the glasses and the red Chucks. They will always be a symbol of that one guy I never knew but had the chance to know. I'll never know if he's nice, if he likes movies, what he likes to eat, if he's got brothers, sisters, a dog at home...etc.
Let this be a lesson to all of you (and a grave lesson for me)--don't waste your time with your fears. Don't let it consume you as it has consumed me. If I did something, said hello to him or anything--anything, and if he shrugged me off, it would be his loss. Not mine.
But it's over now. It's gone. "I let my love go," Earl Partridge once said. But I feel as if the universe keep revealing him to me. Sometimes I see a guy that looks just like him, but isn't him. I see the hair, but not the glasses. The glasses, but not the hair. Bright red Vans slip-ons, but not the Chucks. You get the idea. God and the universe keep teasing me!! I'm just going to let God and fate do their work, stop looking for him, and get on with my pathetic, lonely existence. For all I know, he probably moved or left for another school, or is in a coma (God forbid). But I just hope he's okay. I really do.
Farewell, boy with glasses. I never knew thee.
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1 commentaire:
thanks so much, catherine!! you've made me feel so much better. so your ben doesn't go to your school? was he there just to visit? i'm glad you had those beautiful moments with him (him asking about your dog, him opening the door for you). thanks also for your metaphor.
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